ZeldaBlog

Hats Are Still in Fashion, You Know…

March 15th, 2007 at 2:50 pm by JC

Link almost never does it alone. Whether it be a handheld adventure or an adventure on your television screen, the main man always gets a little help in some way, shape, or form. Surely the most memorable help Link has had was the infamous Navi (or for those people who really think they are Link, those pretty Prima Strategy Guides..). Navi was all well and good and did her job, and Link actually thought of her as a friend. Aww, that’s sweet.

Then Tatl comes along and is just an annoying ninny. She could never replace Navi. If you ask me, her little ringing sound was more annoying and obnoxious than Navi’s ‘hey’. By the time of the Oracles, Link had no real help, except for the usual clues and such. No partner, though. With The Wind Waker, Link was accompanied by a wise King known as the King of Red Lions in a kick-ass red boat that looked like it could’ve made Tingle straight. Just kidding, the King wasn’t that cool until the end where he totally says ‘Screw you’ to Ganondorf just as he makes his wish upon the Triforce. Otherwise: L-O-S-E-R.

I hope you’ve figured out this is a rant now. (You did, right?)

Now, it’s not up to me whether or not this material is funny or not. I’m just going on and on until I see fit. In my experience, what I usually say is either funny or really outrageous that you have no choice BUT to laugh.

Anywho, back on topic. So, out comes Four Swords and Four Swords Adventures and Link is once again back to venturing around Hyrule alone (kind of, if you count the other Links). With the coming of Twilight Princess and Link’s new partner Midna, every other partner Link has had is pretty much obsolete now. Well, not anymore!

Sure Midna may actually be a pretty attractive twilight princess who may or may not have the hots for our buddy Link, but she’s not all she’s cracked up to be if you really take a long, hard look at her. She not only uses Link, but she’s a tad bit like that dreaded girlfriend some guys (or girls) have that’s really on your back all the time. Navi could also be described as this. I mean, who wants that, right?

I gave reasons already as to why all of Link’s previous partners sucked. But, I missed one. A bad-ass by the name of Ezlo. What the heck ever happened to him?

I mean, when you first encounter Ezlo, you can tell he’s the epitome of awesomeness. You first see him as a talking hat who’s getting pelted with rocks. What other one of our partners can take that? Sure Midna took some hurt bombs from Ganondorf and Zant, but those only lasted so long. You can keep Ezlo’s pain last as long as you’d please, and he wouldn’t die! Midna almost died after being hassled a bit by Zant. What kind of partner is that?

Ezlo himself is just a flat out awesome guy. He’s a cranky, hard-to-put up with type of person. Do you know what this kind of person is called? A man. All real men are exactly like Ezlo, and he knows how to seriously kick some ass. He knows when he’s useful and he knows how to handle situations with the greatest ease. I’d find that more attractive than a half-naked twilight chick or glowing blue ball any day.

Ezlo cuts the crap and gets to the point. Midna kinda just hassles you into collecting some items and warms up to you in the end. Blah blah blah. Typical, boring story. Ezlo was pretty much ‘Shut the hell up, I’m coming with you simply because I’m awesome and you can carry me around until I find a way to become a Minish again.’ You just might call this ‘using’, but Ezlo, like I said, was a grumpy pain in the ass, so you had to love him for it.

Ezlo never really shared too much of that emotional crap with Link like Midna did. If you want to look at it from a fan boy-point-of-view, Ezlo was the first really developed partner Link had. And I don’t think I need to reiterate why he’s so awesome.

Not only is he a kickin’cool hat that would make even a lesbian turn straight (and I mean it this time. King Hyrule’s beard isn’t the lady killer it might be made out as), but Ezlo probably eats rocks and craps the strongest type of thunder imaginable. That, or give you some of the best advice you can ask for in a Zelda title.

Also, let’s not forget that Ezlo was a powerfully wise member of the Minish, and was highly respected for the cap he created and that Vaati stole. Ezlo wouldn’t have let this happen, but he slipped a bit because, as any real man would, he was too busy stewing in his own awesomeness and was caught off-guard. (I’m not giving Vaati any credit, he’s a terrible villian)

Who cares if Midna was a princess of an entire realm? If she had any power, she wouldn’t have been pushed around by nobody. Then she almost dies. I mean, how much more worse off can you be, Midna?

I’m not even going to get into Ezlo’s off-screen life. That guy is probably the biggest pimp to ever hit the Minish world. If the guy can tolerate pain and have such a tight control over people as he did with Link, I’d think he can do the same with any woman. Also, for dramatic effect, Ezlo can turn anyone who is gay straight in a matter of 15 seconds. Don’t ask how.

So, to put it in simply:

Ezlo > Midna/Navi/King Hyrule/Tatl

Filed under Editorials, Humor, Spoilers

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47 Messages from the Gossip Stones about “Hats Are Still in Fashion, You Know…”

    Comments

    I like Ezlo now.

    shouldnt this be a spoiler article JC? I mean theres atleast three spoilers for TP in this article :o !

    aside from that ive always liked ezloe….but I dont think hes that good :P .midnas my favorite then ezloe then tatl then KORL :P .

    Ninja Lord Kakashi said:

    shouldnt this be a spoiler article JC? I mean theres atleast three spoilers for TP in this article :o !

    Fixed.

    Roflz..
    And for another thing, Ezlo has the best side comments. He actually chats with you about being hungry, etc. It pwns to just press SELECT for 5 minutes reading all of his comments, then reading them again after the palace. :P

    I actually thought Midna was really cool. But Ezlo was cool, too; I think we need more guides that are obviously tougher than Link and can get him to do stuff for them. :)

    The Missing Link said:

    Ninja Lord Kakashi said:

    shouldnt this be a spoiler article JC? I mean theres atleast three spoilers for TP in this article :o !

    Fixed.

    *blinks* that was quick 0_o …..for a second I thought I saw wrong and it was marked for spoilers :P .

    Trumpkin said:

    Roflz..
    And for another thing, Ezlo has the best side comments. He actually chats with you about being hungry, etc. It pwns to just press SELECT for 5 minutes reading all of his comments, then reading them again after the palace. :P

    I do that all the time :) .I wish they would have put that feature in TP.

    I never liked ezlo because every time id come back into my game hed give a long talk about somthing i always knew about

    Meh I liked tatl more than elzo in all honsty.

    • 9. Ops says:

    I was wondering while you were ranting on about Navi and Midna when we were gonna to pimpin’ Elzo. He’s the only developed companion you get, except Midna. But she can’t count, because she’s unrealistic. I mean, a talking hat is so much more believable. But seriously, I hated Midna. And I don’t see why everyone thinks she’s so hot. For one, she’s a VIDEO GAME character. Two, she freaking BLUE AND BLACK. What the hell man? Anyways, back on topic. Elzo was a y old guy who would beat you with a stick if didn’t do what he said, kinda like the monkey from Lion King. He gave you no choice to what you can next and never cared how much your head hurt. He’d tell you to suck it up and get moving or he’ll slit your throat while you sleep.(Well not actually, but you get the idea..) In all, he really is just the bestest companion Link’s ever had in one of my favorite 2-D Zelda games.

    By the way, I like you JC, you’re not afraid to speak your mind and whatnot. Your the kinda person we need since we don’t see much of Darth Citrus.

    DC is still better than JC. Even if he is dead.

    And as for what I said aboput Ezlo earlier, its true, but Midna’s way cooler anyhow. 1337 SHADOW PEEPS FTW!!

    In terms of literary character analysis, ezlo = malo :o

    “Navi was all well and good and did her job, and Link actually thought of her as a friend. Aww, that’s sweet. Then Tatl comes along and is just an annoying ninny. She could never replace Navi. If you ask me, her little ringing sound was more annoying and obnoxious than Navi’s ‘hey’.”
    Your kidding, right? Please tell me your kidding. I don’t think you grasp the concept of the ‘annoying-ocity scale’. If you didn’t do your homework, One is least annoying, and Ten is most freakin’ annyoing possible! Navi scored a Twenty. Ponder that whilst you critisize Tatl and Minda.

    Ops said:
    And I don’t see why everyone thinks she’s so hot. For one, she’s a VIDEO GAME character.

    so…? whats your point, i dont get it… so what if shes a video game character :? . i like a video game character… but im not telling who it is :P

    • 14. Ops says:

    Sesshorochikuramaru said:

    Ops said:
    And I don’t see why everyone thinks she’s so hot. For one, she’s a VIDEO GAME character.

    so…? whats your point, i dont get it… so what if shes a video game character :? . i like a video game character… but im not telling who it is :P

    I just think its a bit silly. I’m not trying to contradicting you or putting you down, I just think its a bit strage.

    • 15. Ops says:

    Wow I made so many errors there. But yeah…

    I liked all the helpers except for Navi and the Old Man.(He was kinda like a helper in the first two games) I thought Tatl’s jingling sound was adorable. I agree with the Ezlo thing 120%.
    My opinion:
    Ezlo> King> Midna> Tatl> Other helper like guys> Navi> Old Man

    I know diddly about Ezlo (didn’t even know he had a name) because the DS is so completely unplayable for me (why with the small screen and inaccessibility, Nintendo? Why?! I loved you! ;_;). But he always got many awesome points for being a hat that appeared to be trying to kill young Link in a piece of official art. Homicidal, probably talking hats win.

    KoRL was awesome. As a woman, I can tell you that his beard was indeed sexy.

    I’m rather biased towards Midna (finally, a kick-butt chick who has Link wrapped around her little tattooed finger AND she’s naked!). I’d totally go lesbian for Midna. Wait…I think I kind of already have.

    Razz said:

    I know diddly about Ezlo (didn’t even know he had a name) because the DS is so completely unplayable for me (why with the small screen and inaccessibility, Nintendo? Why?! I loved you! ;_;). But he always got many awesome points for being a hat that appeared to be trying to kill young Link in a piece of official art. Homicidal, probably talking hats win.

    KoRL was awesome. As a woman, I can tell you that his beard was indeed sexy.

    I’m rather biased towards Midna (finally, a kick-butt chick who has Link wrapped around her little tattooed finger AND she’s naked!). I’d totally go lesbian for Midna. Wait…I think I kind of already have.

    GBA, Not DS. And why has this become a topic of which helper is sexiest? This is getting disturbing. Also, why is OOT the greatest Zelda game ever if everyone hates Navi? Heck, we complain about Zelda games alot, why do we even like them at all?

    Ugh. e.e I really hate to complain and I hope this doesn’t turn into some sort of flame-war, but it seems to me that this article is degrading to the partner characters of Zelda games, Ezlo especially. I think that if Ezlo actually existed (or if the writer who created him saw this article), he’d be pretty disgusted by your description.

    I was never overly fond of Ezlo, I just found him to be a barely bareable old git, sure Ezlo had the attitude but when it comes to a partner for Link I prefer a more feminem touch. While most guys while run into a fight and accept the pain girls will always worry about you during and afterwards, they will try to take care of you which is what I liked about Navi, Tatl and Midna, the King of Red Lions while an interesting was still… a boat, he couldnt go on land with you and he couldnt help you out in a fight, all he could do was talk while YOU did ALL the sailing, fighting, teleporting and searching for treasure, sure he redeems himself at the end of the game by beating Old Ganondorf to the Triforce but it wasnt until that point that he actually helped in any way other than giving directions and advice, so for me Midna still rules, she will turn any gay guy straight.

    Robert-UK said:

    I was never overly fond of Ezlo, I just found him to be a barely bareable old git, sure Ezlo had the attitude but when it comes to a partner for Link I prefer a more feminem touch. While most guys while run into a fight and accept the pain girls will always worry about you during and afterwards, they will try to take care of you which is what I liked about Navi, Tatl and Midna, the King of Red Lions while an interesting was still… a boat, he couldnt go on land with you and he couldnt help you out in a fight, all he could do was talk while YOU did ALL the sailing, fighting, teleporting and searching for treasure, sure he redeems himself at the end of the game by beating Old Ganondorf to the Triforce but it wasnt until that point that he actually helped in any way other than giving directions and advice, so for me Midna still rules, she will turn any gay guy straight.

    Amen to dat brudda. You make a valid point about the KoRL. You do do all the sailing, so how the heck did he get you from the Forsaken Fortress to Windfall?

    Hmmmm… Ezlo was probaly my favorite helper. Although, I actually liked Tatl(just because the fairies were useful, but Navi’s talking got old fast.) The KoRL was… meh. Midna was actually halfway decent. But I’d like to point out most of Link’s companions had their own ‘heart’ scenes (scenes that display character). For Navi, she had about two… Tatl, about three maybe four. KoRL had two real heart scenes. Midna had a good deal of scenes that gave her character depth. But Ezlo had an entire game around his character(The Minish Cap :P ). You could get a deeper look at his character through his comments and that made him more likable. Wouldn’t have Midna better if they added random comments for her to say that gave a better chance to show personallity. By the time, I finished MC I actually felt I knew Ezlo. In fact, I seem to want to compare him with DragonBall’s Master Roshi… an old coot, who’s battle worn and not afraid to shot off his mouth. I wouldn’t have minded if Midna had said a random comments that added to her character.
    But Midna, outside of cutscene was acctually less useful than Navi.(Sure Midna could give you your objective anytime, but Navi told you about you all your enemies.)

    JC, how dare you insult Midna! She’s the best of all Link’s companions. But I do have to admit, I love Ezlo almost as much.

    The Emerald Wind said:

    But Midna, outside of cutscene was acctually less useful than Navi.(Sure Midna could give you your objective anytime, but Navi told you about you all your enemies.)

    That’s the one thing that I want the most. I like knowing the name of the thing I’m killing, kinda like the guy’s in Bleach.

    YES. A resounding, all-around, loudly screamed YES!

    Ezlo ♥

    Midna is still cooler, she could turn her hair into a hand. If I could do that, i’d ignore the dumb-ass curls and grow my hair long.

    Midna pwns.

    mmm…this article makes Ezlo look bad, is that the point of it?? hes a funny,crabby little hat. Minda’s cool & Tatl was fun

    Ops said:
    I mean, a talking hat is so much more believable. But seriously, I hated Midna. And I don’t see why everyone thinks she’s so hot. For one, she’s a VIDEO GAME character. Two, she freaking BLUE AND BLACK. What the hell man?

    most video game characters are hot :) .also the fact that shes blue and black makes her that much hotter :P (even though I think shes white and black).

    Aubrey the Bard said:I think that if Ezlo actually existed (or if the writer who created him saw this article), he’d be pretty disgusted by your description.

    thats very well possible :) .

    The Emerald Wind said:In fact, I seem to want to compare him with DragonBall’s Master Roshi… an old coot, who’s battle worn and not afraid to shot off his mouth.

    thats a good comparison,though I wouldnt call ezlo battle worn :? .

    The Emerald Wind said:But Midna, outside of cutscene was acctually less useful than Navi.(Sure Midna could give you your objective anytime, but Navi told you about you all your enemies.)

    need I remind you that using midnas energy field is the only way to get through some parts in TP :P ? I think that makes her a little more useful then navi ;) .also I dont think theres anything to say about the newer zelda enemys….thats probably why they took that feature out to begin with.

    Robert-UK said:

    I was never overly fond of Ezlo, I just found him to be a barely bareable old git, sure Ezlo had the attitude but when it comes to a partner for Link I prefer a more feminem touch. While most guys while run into a fight and accept the pain girls will always worry about you during and afterwards, they will try to take care of you which is what I liked about Navi, Tatl and Midna, the King of Red Lions while an interesting was still… a boat, he couldnt go on land with you and he couldnt help you out in a fight, all he could do was talk while YOU did ALL the sailing, fighting, teleporting and searching for treasure, sure he redeems himself at the end of the game by beating Old Ganondorf to the Triforce but it wasnt until that point that he actually helped in any way other than giving directions and advice, so for me Midna still rules, she will turn any gay guy straight.

    Finally some sense in this topic. Check this out, Navi: talking, Tatl: talking, KoRL:talking, sailing, Ezlo: talking, sitting, making you small ONLY on a stump, MIDNA: talking, sitting, energy field, teleportaion, a cool hand, ability to enter the Twilight Realm, turning you into a wolf.

    • 31. JC says:

    I hope you all know this was supposed to be a humorous aritcle, right? :-p

    Or should you say HOMUNCULIS article. It’s all coming together now JC or should I say GREED

    Yes im bored so sue me

    i know…after all its filed under humor..but i just cant tell if the point of it is ezlos cool or ezlos dumb :? thats why i asked “mmm…this article makes Ezlo look bad, is that the point of it??”

    “So this is your house huh? That means it’s my house too. Where’s my room?”
    “Careful Link, if you fall down that hole I go with you, and let’s not let that happen”

    Bboy94 said:

    Robert-UK said:

    I was never overly fond of Ezlo, I just found him to be a barely bareable old git, sure Ezlo had the attitude but when it comes to a partner for Link I prefer a more feminem touch. While most guys while run into a fight and accept the pain girls will always worry about you during and afterwards, they will try to take care of you which is what I liked about Navi, Tatl and Midna, the King of Red Lions while an interesting was still… a boat, he couldnt go on land with you and he couldnt help you out in a fight, all he could do was talk while YOU did ALL the sailing, fighting, teleporting and searching for treasure, sure he redeems himself at the end of the game by beating Old Ganondorf to the Triforce but it wasnt until that point that he actually helped in any way other than giving directions and advice, so for me Midna still rules, she will turn any gay guy straight.

    Finally some sense in this topic. Check this out, Navi: talking, Tatl: talking, KoRL:talking, sailing, Ezlo: talking, sitting, making you small ONLY on a stump, MIDNA: talking, sitting, energy field, teleportaion, a cool hand, ability to enter the Twilight Realm, turning you into a wolf.

    Don’t forget that not only did KoRL talked and sailed, he drowned Hyrule! BTW, Ezlo’s random comments are hilarious! Here’s one:
    “Hey kid! Can you lend me a hand? I’ve got a nasty back itch, and I can’t reach it with my beak. Could you please scratch me right there? No, up! Up! OK, now to the left! I said left! … … Ohhh, sweet mercy?(Music Note) That’s the stuff! Thanks, buddy! I owe you one!”
    This article made me replay Minish Cap and I decided to copy down one of the things he said.

    Midna really did rock. her job all day/game was to ride on a bad-ass wolf that just was boring,but those stupid little faries just kept on talking their bums off!!Christ,i would shoot them if i was Link…:P

    master of windwaker said:

    Midna really did rock. her job all day/game was to ride on a bad-ass wolf that just was boring,but those stupid little faries just kept on talking their bums off!!Christ,i would shoot them if i was Link…:P

    There not fairies, they’re Light Spirits, you don’t read the text don’t you?

    M Warrior said:

    master of windwaker said:

    Midna really did rock. her job all day/game was to ride on a bad-ass wolf that just was boring,but those stupid little faries just kept on talking their bums off!!Christ,i would shoot them if i was Link…:P

    There not fairies, they’re Light Spirits, you don’t read the text don’t you?

    I think they were referrind to Tatl and Navi…

    M Warrior said:

    master of windwaker said:

    Midna really did rock. her job all day/game was to ride on a bad-ass wolf that just was boring,but those stupid little faries just kept on talking their bums off!!Christ,i would shoot them if i was Link…:P

    There not fairies, they’re Light Spirits, you don’t read the text don’t you?

    How did you get light spirits out of that.

    Loki said:

    M Warrior said:

    master of windwaker said:

    Midna really did rock. her job all day/game was to ride on a bad-ass wolf that just was boring,but those stupid little faries just kept on talking their bums off!!Christ,i would shoot them if i was Link…:P

    There not fairies, they’re Light Spirits, you don’t read the text don’t you?

    I think they were referrind to Tatl and Navi…

    honestly, m warrior, i knew right off the bat that he was talking about navi and tatl! jeez… of course, midna got a little annoying with that “you’re my servant” thing… ezlo was even more annoying with his constant complaining. midna pwns, pwns, pwns, pwns, pwns because of her looks. the whole mysterious background only adds to her greatness.

    uberzeldamaster said:

    Loki said:

    M Warrior said:

    master of windwaker said:

    Midna really did rock. her job all day/game was to ride on a bad-ass wolf that just was boring,but those stupid little faries just kept on talking their bums off!!Christ,i would shoot them if i was Link…:P

    There not fairies, they’re Light Spirits, you don’t read the text don’t you?

    I think they were referrind to Tatl and Navi…

    honestly, m warrior, i knew right off the bat that he was talking about navi and tatl! jeez… of course, midna got a little annoying with that “you’re my servant” thing… ezlo was even more annoying with his constant complaining. midna pwns, pwns, pwns, pwns, pwns because of her looks. the whole mysterious background only adds to her greatness.

    I couldn’t tell he meant Navi and Tatl. Do you want the reason why I couldn’t tell what he was referring to?

    nah. its ok m warrior. making a mistake only proves your human! ^.^

    Midna is still the best side-kick, closely followed by Navi. I mean honestly all of the sidekicks talked too much, Navi just had a more annoying way of doing it sometimes. But I think she’s a good side-kick. TINGLE STILL SUCKS THOUGH!!

    Shinigami Ninja said:

    TINGLE STILL SUCKS THOUGH!!

    your not alone in thinkin this, brudda.

    uberzeldamaster said:

    Shinigami Ninja said:

    TINGLE STILL SUCKS THOUGH!!

    your not alone in thinkin this, brudda.

    Oh I knew that. Its just that when people diss Navi or Tingle they end up dissing’em both, so I’m just letting everyone know I’m still a Tingle hater.

    say… no… type aye if you agree tingle stinks like dirty gym socks! and that zelda and link REALLY need to go out sometime!

    uberzeldamaster said:
    and that zelda and link REALLY need to go out sometime!

    cant do that…im a link/minda shipper ;)

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