Link almost never does it alone. Whether it be a handheld adventure or an adventure on your television screen, the main man always gets a little help in some way, shape, or form. Surely the most memorable help Link has had was the infamous Navi (or for those people who really think they are Link, those pretty Prima Strategy Guides..). Navi was all well and good and did her job, and Link actually thought of her as a friend. Aww, that’s sweet.
Then Tatl comes along and is just an annoying ninny. She could never replace Navi. If you ask me, her little ringing sound was more annoying and obnoxious than Navi’s ‘hey’. By the time of the Oracles, Link had no real help, except for the usual clues and such. No partner, though. With The Wind Waker, Link was accompanied by a wise King known as the King of Red Lions in a kick-ass red boat that looked like it could’ve made Tingle straight. Just kidding, the King wasn’t that cool until the end where he totally says ‘Screw you’ to Ganondorf just as he makes his wish upon the Triforce. Otherwise: L-O-S-E-R.
Now, it’s not up to me whether or not this material is funny or not. I’m just going on and on until I see fit. In my experience, what I usually say is either funny or really outrageous that you have no choice BUT to laugh.
Anywho, back on topic. So, out comes Four Swords and Four Swords Adventures and Link is once again back to venturing around Hyrule alone (kind of, if you count the other Links). With the coming of Twilight Princess and Link’s new partner Midna, every other partner Link has had is pretty much obsolete now. Well, not anymore!
Sure Midna may actually be a pretty attractive twilight princess who may or may not have the hots for our buddy Link, but she’s not all she’s cracked up to be if you really take a long, hard look at her. She not only uses Link, but she’s a tad bit like that dreaded girlfriend some guys (or girls) have that’s really on your back all the time. Navi could also be described as this. I mean, who wants that, right?
I gave reasons already as to why all of Link’s previous partners sucked. But, I missed one. A bad-ass by the name of Ezlo. What the heck ever happened to him?
I mean, when you first encounter Ezlo, you can tell he’s the epitome of awesomeness. You first see him as a talking hat who’s getting pelted with rocks. What other one of our partners can take that? Sure Midna took some hurt bombs from Ganondorf and Zant, but those only lasted so long. You can keep Ezlo’s pain last as long as you’d please, and he wouldn’t die! Midna almost died after being hassled a bit by Zant. What kind of partner is that?
Ezlo himself is just a flat out awesome guy. He’s a cranky, hard-to-put up with type of person. Do you know what this kind of person is called? A man. All real men are exactly like Ezlo, and he knows how to seriously kick some ass. He knows when he’s useful and he knows how to handle situations with the greatest ease. I’d find that more attractive than a half-naked twilight chick or glowing blue ball any day.
Ezlo cuts the crap and gets to the point. Midna kinda just hassles you into collecting some items and warms up to you in the end. Blah blah blah. Typical, boring story. Ezlo was pretty much ‘Shut the hell up, I’m coming with you simply because I’m awesome and you can carry me around until I find a way to become a Minish again.’ You just might call this ‘using’, but Ezlo, like I said, was a grumpy pain in the ass, so you had to love him for it.
Ezlo never really shared too much of that emotional crap with Link like Midna did. If you want to look at it from a fan boy-point-of-view, Ezlo was the first really developed partner Link had. And I don’t think I need to reiterate why he’s so awesome.
Not only is he a kickin’cool hat that would make even a lesbian turn straight (and I mean it this time. King Hyrule’s beard isn’t the lady killer it might be made out as), but Ezlo probably eats rocks and craps the strongest type of thunder imaginable. That, or give you some of the best advice you can ask for in a Zelda title.
Also, let’s not forget that Ezlo was a powerfully wise member of the Minish, and was highly respected for the cap he created and that Vaati stole. Ezlo wouldn’t have let this happen, but he slipped a bit because, as any real man would, he was too busy stewing in his own awesomeness and was caught off-guard. (I’m not giving Vaati any credit, he’s a terrible villian)
Who cares if Midna was a princess of an entire realm? If she had any power, she wouldn’t have been pushed around by nobody. Then she almost dies. I mean, how much more worse off can you be, Midna?
I’m not even going to get into Ezlo’s off-screen life. That guy is probably the biggest pimp to ever hit the Minish world. If the guy can tolerate pain and have such a tight control over people as he did with Link, I’d think he can do the same with any woman. Also, for dramatic effect, Ezlo can turn anyone who is gay straight in a matter of 15 seconds. Don’t ask how.
So, to put it in simply:
Ezlo > Midna/Navi/King Hyrule/TatlFollow This Entry | Leave a Response | Trackback | Read Other Posts by JC
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