ZeldaBlog

A.S.S.A - The Most Awesomest Sidekick Ever

September 30th, 2006 at 10:34 pm by Darth Citrus

Welcome Zelda Blogites to another fine edition of A Somewhat Serious Article. Despite my fervent promises to “get on the ball” with my writing, I somehow let TWO AND A HALF FREAKING MONTHS slip by. I’m sure no one noticed.

Since my absence, there have been a myriad of topics I could have chosen to write about. Wii controls, giant enemy crabs, Navi, the new TP box art, the Wii Price, that speed run TML posted a while back, speed runs in general, Link being right handed, Tingle, fan reaction to Wii price, armored stalfos’, and finally Tingle again just to name a few.

With such a wide array of choices I found it almost impossible to decide which one to write about. In the end I chose my topic the same way I make all my important life decisions.

By flipping a coin.

A HUNDRED AND EIGHTY TIMES.

Using a combination of extreme math and probability each topic was paired up with another and a best out of three coin toss insued. Starting at 8:00 PM and continuing into the night each topic was eliminated systematically until at last only one remained, standing triumphant against the wiles of fate and coin tossery.

Thus this edition: THE MOST AWESOMEST SIDEKICK EVER is about Midna

Midna, despite her prominent position in Twilight Princess is still generally unknown to the majority of the Zelda Community.

An actual post from an intelligent postee

Let’s get this straight once and for all. Minda is a major supplier to OEM’s both in India and overseas and is accredited with quality and environment certification in addition to collaborations and strategic alliances with international manufacturers.

Midna is this chick here

*Note* If you are still confused, please have no hesitation in emailing me. Hopefully we can get this all cleared up before Twilight Princess is released.

Midna is a strange new character in the Zelda series. With her unusual appearance in the Twilight Realm, her desire to aid Link in his quest, and her ability to provide hints whether needed or not means only one thing.

Midna’s the new “Link sidesick”.

Following in the proud tradition of Navi, Tatl, and Ezlo; Midna is undoubtedly the next incarnation of Nintendo’s need to help the player tie their shoes. As seen from the e3 2006 demo, Midna appears on and off, giving her two cents and then returning to the blob that is Link’s shadow.

But how good of a sidekick is she? Will she fall into the annoying, unintentional comic relief section that is Navi? Will she help target enemies per Tatl? Or will she spout out nonsensical musings and sit content on Link’s head like Ezlo?

Only time will tell us that for sure. But this is A Somewhat Serious Article. Lets go ahead do what we’re so well known for.



The Midna Scale works as follows. The higher the number, the better chance Midna will act like the person in question. So say for example Navi got a Midna scale of 10, it means Midna will be exactly as Navi. If James Bond got a Midna scale of 0, it means Midna will not be pistol whipping anyone soon.

*Note* If you are still confused, please have no hesitation in emailing me. Hopefully we can get this all cleared up before you’re done reading the article.

Here we go.



From: The Batman Universe
Sidekick Powers: Acrobatic skills and fancy gadgets

Robin is the most renowned sidekick in the fictional universe. When writing anything about sidekicks you have to devote at least part of the article on him. It’s the law.

Robin is essentially the comic relief of the Batman series. With his ever cheerful personality and his ability to DO NOTHING TO HELP BATMAN, (See Batman Forever) Robin still manages to capture the hearts of millions of comic readers. He also has been played by five hundred different people since his creation. (See Robin: A History)

Midna Rating: 2.5 out of 10. It would be highly unlikely Midna would don a bright yellow green costume and swear to fight crime in the name of truth and justice. However the phrase, “Holy Deep Fried Octocrok on a Stick, Link!” would kick so much *Navi* and should be inserted in Twilight Princess as fast as Ken Kutaragi can say “RIDGGGGGE RACER!”



From: The Matrix, The Matrix Reloaded and that horrible movie that came after the Matrix Reloaded.
Sidekick Powers: The ability to escape every cataclysmic event that happens to her (Helicopter crash, sentinel impaling, bullet to the chest, gun fight during a rave) except the one that matters in the end. Oh and she can crash through tiny windows too; almost forgot about that one.

Trinity’s famous intro scene at the beginning of “The Matrix” propelled her into a world of cheap rip-offs and countless “homage’s”. Despite reinforcing the negative stereotype that all computer hackers can fly out of their chair and proceed to take out an entire police squad while dressed in black leather suit, Trinity will always be known as a sidekick that was able to do helpful things from time to time.

Midna Rating: 4 out of 10. Midna’s already female, so that’s two points right there. I’m also expecting some scene at the end of Twilight Princess where she either a) Reboots Hyrule, b) Has a car chase that ends with a spectacular crash or c) Flies into the air and does a 360 kick on a Bobokin.



From: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Sidekick Powers: “PO-TA-TOS, PO-TA-TOS. Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.”

Samwise Gamgee is the fat lovable protagonist of “The Lord of the Rings” Trilogy. After his fight with Frodo, Samwise decides to take out Mordor with a precision air strike, saving Middle Earth and letting him keep the ring in the process.

His famous line, “Gollum you ain’t got *Navi* on me” has been remade countless times into pop singles and netted Gamgee billions of dollars. He’s currently in talks for “Lord of the Rings 4: Sauron’s back you son of a *Navi*”

Midna Rating: 5 out of 10. Midna’s rhymes may not be as fresh as MC Gamgee. Nevertheless, Midna’s singnature “bling” (ie. Her helmet) will surely be a selling point as millions flock to buy her next album.



From: Anything that has to do with Sherlock Holmes
Sidekick Powers: Medical Degree, Pipe, and Revolver

Dr. Watson is the well known sidekick of Sherlock Holmes, a sturdy friend that can be counted upon in dire times. Holmes has been known to ask for Watson’s assistance: during the middle of the night, in the privacy of his office, smoking in an opium den, while eating dinner with the queen, during an episode of Law and Order, while singing the star spangled banner, in the middle of a gun fight, and while sitting at home smoking a nice comfortable pipe.

Midna Rating: 6.5 out of 10. Midna will most likely provide some sort of combat assistance to Link while suggesting ideas from time to time. Link will then answer back with a pipe in his hand remarking about how deep the Stalfos’ footprints are and that Ganon must be the mastermind behind everything.

Midna will also have a mustache.



From: Back to the Future I, II, and III
Sidekick Powers: The ability to build a world changing device out of a Delorean and stolen nuclear matter.

Emmett “Doc” Brown is the creator of the Delorean Time Machine from “Back to the Future”. Along with Marty McFly, he travels into the future fixing things he messed up in the past and trying not to screw things up anymore in the present.

Doc Brown is incredibility inventive, able to make high powered chemical logs for a train, fix a machine that he built in the future, rig the flux capacitor to run on fusion and create a working ice machine in 1885.

Midna Rating: 10 out of 10. The following IS going to happen in Twilight Princess. You can quote me on this.

Well we have had quite a time today exploring the personality traits of our soon to be favorite sidekick. Only Twilight Princess can tell if Midna will be a total bad*Navi* or just plain Navi.

And as we enter our second year here at Zelda Blog, I would like to take the time to thank all of our devoted visitors, the ones that wait anxiously at their computers hitting the refresh button. The ones that send thousands of emails discussing the complex issues we talk abou here on the blog. And finally, the ones who take time out of their day to sit down and read A Somewhat Serious Article.

Filed under Twilight Princess, Humor, A.S.S.A.

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53 Messages from the Gossip Stones about “A.S.S.A - The Most Awesomest Sidekick Ever”

    Comments

    Good one DC. I’m hoping that Midna will be better than any other Zelda side kick. I liked the rating for the Doc, and the little comic after that. Here’s another for DC’s ASSA *holds up a glass of Chocolate Chateau Romani*

    I luv it! Its funny kid! Good work! Yeah I hope Midna aint annoying, but koolieoz! And Dr.Watson really doesnt get to do anything, Holmes doesnt even really trust him, yeah i saw a few holmes movies. All of a coin toss lol! Cool
    Much luv!

    Doc is the man. Nice return DC, but whats with the season finale ??

    Hahahaha!!
    Great splash for the return of the Jed- scuse me, the return of the ASSA’s.
    Awsome job as usual!

    Hahaha great job man I would love to see this turned into a fanfiction.

    BTW Why would Dr Watson sing the American National Anthem when hes an Englishman, lol.

    becasue…..the dude who wrote it is a wako,that’s wut.
    i hope minda isn’t like minda because if she is,i’ll kill her,and i’m serious.i will kill her

    Lol, As ever I am LMAO! ;) Another great article DC and keep the comic pictures coming - I love it!

    *BIG ZOMG GASP AT THE ENDING*

    Wow, awesomeness. I’ve never seen an A.S.S.A. before, and it’s brilliant!

    I just REALLY hope that shes not like KoRL.

    Light Link 007 said:

    I just REALLY hope that shes not like KoRL.

    Apparantly, it’s reversed. First, Link rode Epona, then KoRL, now he’s the one being ridden, and by a creature like we never seen before.

    I loved your article! The Back to the Future bit had me cracking up!

    I think that just as long Minda is not annoying like Navi was, I think I’m going to like her.

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    I just REALLY hope that shes not like KoRL.

    Apparantly, it’s reversed. First, Link rode Epona, then KoRL, now he’s the one being ridden, and by a creature like we never seen before.

    I don’t care who rides who. I just don’t want to be restricted by them. Having a f*navi*a*navi* boat tell you cant go somewhere is angering. Having a gaping chasm with a 40′ deep river going roughly 30mph over a bunch of jagged rocks at the bottom blocking your path is something you accept and say “yeah ok, that’s fair” until you get a hookshot.

    Lylia said:

    I loved your article! The Back to the Future bit had me cracking up!

    I think that just as long Minda is not annoying like Navi was, I think I’m going to like her.

    Navi wasn’t that annoying, she could never stop you from going places like the King could/did, she could just advise you not to.

    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Although you forgot to mention ol’ kingsley.

    Light Link 007 said:

    I just REALLY hope that shes not like KoRL.

    Who’s KoRL?

    ZELDAFAN!n_n said:Who’s KoRL?

    the king of red lions .

    funny article DC :) .’course I didnt know who half those people were .

    Light Link 007 said:

    I just REALLY hope that shes not like KoRL.

    what if there was…a giant,unbeatable monster named tingle past korl’s limits (at any time in the game) who ate your game slot if you lost to it :) ? I bet you would be more respectful to the poor old boat :P .but we all know thats not whats there.no,theres something absolutely incredible hidden that he doesnt want you to get!

    Sidekick? More like kick in the side. I’ve never needed one of those annoying shorties. All sidekicks are either nerds, midgets, or both. It’s like a Yuffie you CAN’T TAKE OUT OF YOUR PARTY!

    ZELDAFAN!n_n said:

    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Although you forgot to mention ol’ kingsley.

    Who’s KoRL?

    King of Red Lions. Any other questions? No, good ^_^ Mwaha.

    Good Stuff DC.

    Happy Anniversary ZeldaBlog. It’s been fun.

    o0 What happened to the pics?

    The article was great though :D
    Love the back to the future stuff.

    what does “Your comment is awaiting moderation” mean?my other post isnt showing up.this one probably wont either.

    Windmill Man said:

    Sidekick? More like kick in the side. I’ve never needed one of those annoying shorties. All sidekicks are either nerds, midgets, or both. It’s like a Yuffie you CAN’T TAKE OUT OF YOUR PARTY!

    I beg to differ. Agro owns.

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    what does “Your comment is awaiting moderation” mean?my other post isnt showing up.this one probably wont either.

    This is not difficult to understand, guys. When it says your comment is waiting moderation, it means precisely that. Something you said triggered the spam filter, and it holds back the post until I can personally review it to make sure that it’s okay. It’s something I cannot help, since the spam filter HAS blocked a good bit of spam, but that means it does, by consequence, have a few false positives.

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    what does “Your comment is awaiting moderation” mean?my other post isnt showing up.this one probably wont either.

    I get that too. I never type it again for fear of double posting. I wonder what it means?

    Hmm… my sidekick just barks, pants and growls pretending he’s bigger than he’ll ever be.

    I think that Tingle would make a great sidekick, lol.

    Robert-UK said:

    I think that Tingle would make a great sidekick, lol.

    Nuh-uh, Tingle was a lousy one. He wouldn’t help you without a little gift, or should I say, a big gift, from Link, only to be useless in the matter of seconds, plus he’s a coward.

    The Missing Link said:

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    what does “Your comment is awaiting moderation” mean?my other post isnt showing up.this one probably wont either.

    This is not difficult to understand, guys. When it says your comment is waiting moderation, it means precisely that. Something you said triggered the spam filter, and it holds back the post until I can personally review it to make sure that it’s okay. It’s something I cannot help, since the spam filter HAS blocked a good bit of spam, but that means it does, by consequence, have a few false positives.

    wierd.wonder what set it off.well thanks for the info.

    Robert-UK said:

    I think that Tingle would make a great sidekick, lol.

    he would sooner do you in then help you,or turn into the “pay me and i’ll talk” guy from loz :P .for once though,it would be really cool if link had a normal looking sidekick.it could be a girl or a guy,it dosnt really matter.just as long as its not a hat,boat,fairy,imp,or any deformed creature.maybe shiek…or…mario! now wouldnt that be something :) ?

    Mario? I thought you said not a deformed creature. heheh

    Honestly though, would you really want to have to carry Medli around in every temple? It would kind of wreck the “Lone Wolf” aura of link, which we will see fleshed out to great extent in TP. :) I don’t really like having Midna be so human, but I think Nintendo will do a fine job with it anyway.
    it would be cool to have a real life not-robinuseless sidekick, you know, one to do the dirty work, as in dirty laundry work, and dirty house work, and anything-that-has anything-to-do-with-work work.

    Wow, that article is SO much more enjoyable when the images are working. I snorted at the Samwise Gamgee part (as well as the Mordor reference with Boromir at the top), and I loved the “To Be Continued…” image at the end with Link/Epona makin the fire tracks.

    Light Link 007 said:

    Mario? I thought you said not a deformed creature. heheh

    hmm,fine then how about luigi :) ? marios too much of a main star anyways.also,the side kick woudnt need to be carried if it was normal,would it :P (before you ask,medli isnt normal)? it wouldnt have to fight either,it could be like,a dancer or something who gives you info (too…much…fire…emblem) .

    Halan said:

    Wow, that article is SO much more enjoyable when the images are working. I snorted at the Samwise Gamgee part (as well as the Mordor reference with Boromir at the top), and I loved the “To Be Continued…” image at the end with Link/Epona makin the fire tracks.

    Oh yes, I forgot to say, Great article DC! Also for anyone who doesn’t know where the Samwise Gamgee as a rapper thing came from you can find it at albinoblacksheep.com in the flash files section.

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    Mario? I thought you said not a deformed creature. heheh

    hmm,fine then how about luigi :) ? marios too much of a main star anyways.also,the side kick woudnt need to be carried if it was normal,would it :P (before you ask,medli isnt normal)? it wouldnt have to fight either,it could be like,a dancer or something who gives you info (too…much…fire…emblem) .

    Yes way too much. Luigi’s no good either. Hes just as strange. (Honestly I don’t think those plumbers are humans.⌐_⌐) A sidekick for link would have to be able to stay out of the way and yet be able to offer assistance, (of course I don’t really know of many side-kcicks who ever really do much but that’s beside the point) which leads to the ever-present question, if Navi’s a fairy why can’t she heal you?

    Light Link 007 said:

    if Navi’s a fairy why can’t she heal you?

    it would be cool if Link had someone who could heal him.
    or because it always irritated me how Link has to carry all his stuff around he should get merlinus someone to take care of his stuff hes not using at the time. then you could take like like a couple weapons and potions along before you go(hope you dont have to go back because you need one of them you didnt bring). it would make it more realistic.

    SS4 Kurama said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    if Navi’s a fairy why can’t she heal you?

    it would be cool if Link had someone who could heal him.
    or because it always irritated me how Link has to carry all his stuff around he should get merlinus someone to take care of his stuff hes not using at the time. then you could take like like a couple weapons and potions along before you go(hope you dont have to go back because you need one of them you didnt bring). it would make it more realistic.

    Thats not a bad idea. That would be cool. Of course, Steve Irwin would make a good sidekcick too, wrestlin’ all them dodongos crocodiles all the time, and Chuck Norris could be and do a good sidekick.

    Link isn’t the stereotypical hero like we all want him to be. His sidekicks have been somewhat of a kick in the side (heh heh, good one to whoever came up with that) but at least they were useful the first time around. Plus, if Link had someone who heals him, he’d like a FF character at the end of the game, a walking tank full of supplies with a force to be rekon with, like Hercules, while good ol’ Link stays almsot the same, beefing up his magic and lowering his mortality with heart containers and not be able to jump up in the air and stay in the air for more than ten seconds, he is pretty powerful on his own, and not the tank I mentioned earlier.

    True, I guess if he had a good sidekick it’d be too easy and therefore boring.

    This is so far the best ASSA I’ve read! The back to the future part really made my day! Awesome work Darth Citrus ^__^

    Light Link 007 said:

    If Navi’s a fairy why can’t she heal you?

    Well, all of the fairies that heal you disappear, as if they used up themselves to heal your wounds. You wouldn’t want Navi to heal you up and then disappear, would you? WOULD YOU?! Oh, right, most people would love it.

    Halan said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    If Navi’s a fairy why can’t she heal you?

    Well, all of the fairies that heal you disappear, as if they used up themselves to heal your wounds. You wouldn’t want Navi to heal you up and then disappear, would you? WOULD YOU?! Oh, right, most people would love it.

    The second time through? Yes. the eighth time through? PLEEEASE DISAPEAR!! But then again those are red faires, maybe blue fairies have two uses. Or infinite uses. She could at least poke’em in the eye.

    so lets see now,based on every previous partner of links,I learned that they have to be smart,annoying,unable to fight,useless,and they must repeat themselfs 1000 times each mision.so the best choice would be a dancer wuya! (ask at your own risk)

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    so the best choice would be a dancer wuya! (ask at your own risk)

    yeah, that would be funny

    I’m guessing from the “To Be Concluded” would mean that we will see the rest of the “Back to the Link” parts? *lol* Just kidding.I think the best partner for Link is one with the commands “listen” and “shut up!” incase of you hearing a message already.

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    so lets see now,based on every previous partner of links,I learned that they have to be smart,annoying,unable to fight,useless,and they must repeat themselfs 1000 times each mision.so the best choice would be a dancer wuya! (ask at your own risk)

    I’ll take the risk of asking.
    But a dnacer could be cool. Especially if it doubled his speed and stuff.

    Light Link 007 said:

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    so lets see now,based on every previous partner of links,I learned that they have to be smart,annoying,unable to fight,useless,and they must repeat themselfs 1000 times each mision.so the best choice would be a dancer wuya! (ask at your own risk)

    I’ll take the risk of asking.
    But a dnacer could be cool. Especially if it doubled his speed and stuff.

    wuya (I think thats how you spell it) is a 1500 year old ghost from Xiaolin showdown.she would be ideal because she can float,she has a strange shape,she never stops talking,and she cant pick anything up :P (therefore making her unable to help link).

    Yeah, ok, fits all catagories. Except the not-already-copyrighted/registered category.

    Yeah, but if you ignore Wuya long enough, she’ll leave :D , not like Navi.

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Yeah, but if you ignore Wuya long enough, she’ll leave :D , not like Navi.

    that depends on how much power link has :? .which is kind of bad considering the bad guy always has the most power.well…exept for that she would be a good partner :P .

    I think we need another hat freind. That was the best part of minnish

    Light Link 007 said:

    I think we need another hat freind. That was the best part of minnish

    Ezlo was cool and all, but he was like a portable Kaepora Gaebora. Of course, Vaati fans should’ve found him useful, for finding out the past of their love-sick villian.

    Haaa!! That last picture on there is hilarious!! “To be continued” and Link and Epona riding away!!! Thats so funny!

    I do think that Midna is going to be a very different companion for the shear fact that she is the biggest companion he ever had other that some floating light or a hat. Plus, by looking at some footage, does’t she help out like smack moblins in the head with her funky hat? Navi and Ezlo never did anything like that. Midna’s going to be cool, I have faith in her.

    Zen Blade said:

    Haaa!! That last picture on there is hilarious!! “To be continued” and Link and Epona riding away!!! Thats so funny!

    I do think that Midna is going to be a very different companion for the shear fact that she is the biggest companion he ever had other that some floating light or a hat. Plus, by looking at some footage, does’t she help out like smack moblins in the head with her funky hat? Navi and Ezlo never did anything like that. Midna’s going to be cool, I have faith in her.

    I forgot that ability :D This would mean that Midna is the first to DO something worth while (I have a feeling in my gut that some people will find something they won’t like about her)

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Zen Blade said:

    Haaa!! That last picture on there is hilarious!! “To be continued” and Link and Epona riding away!!! Thats so funny!

    I do think that Midna is going to be a very different companion for the shear fact that she is the biggest companion he ever had other that some floating light or a hat. Plus, by looking at some footage, does’t she help out like smack moblins in the head with her funky hat? Navi and Ezlo never did anything like that. Midna’s going to be cool, I have faith in her.

    I forgot that ability :D This would mean that Midna is the first to DO something worth while (I have a feeling in my gut that some people will find something they won’t like about her)

    We always do. She’ll probably state the obvious.

    maybe midna will be like some of the characters in kingdom hearts.you know,press some buttons to unleash a combo move.link can fight in his wolf form,right?

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    maybe midna will be like some of the characters in kingdom hearts.you know,press some buttons to unleash a combo move.link can fight in his wolf form,right?

    Of course, he fights so many enemies in his wolf form, it’s a dog fight out there. Ok, bad pun, I’m sorry. Midna just helps knock them out, something I wished Navi could do, since she nevers shuts up in the first place.

    For once, I don’t have a single warped mind quip. You pretty much said it all.

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