ZeldaBlog

Whose Blog?: The What-If Machine

September 27th, 2006 at 1:22 am by The Missing Link

It’s time for Whose Blog Is It Anyway?! The show where everything’s made up, and the points don’t matter! That’s right, the points are about as helpful as Ralph from Oracle of Ages! Hi, I’m your host, Drew Linky. C’mon let’s have some fun!

First things first–sorry for taking so long! The past week has been incredibly busy for me, and so… yes, I’ve been negligent in writing this thing. So sorry. But what’s this? Are you guys trying to break my blog, now? What is this 93 comments thing? Seriously now… is this revenge for me not doing this in a while? Ah well, whatever your reasons, I’m amazed by it, so thank you for your input on this.

Now I’ll admit that I had my idea for what this Whose Blog? was going to be about since around the 20th comment. The idea was formulated but incomplete; it still needed a bit of work. But it was awesome; it was metafiction; it was humour; you would enjoy it! But then everyone started talking about two subjects that haven’t been mentioned on the ‘Blog before (and don’t get a lot of talk in the community at large): Vaati and Ikana Valley. You guys made me feel super-guilty after I had already picked my own topic. So I’m going to make a concession to you all, since I’m so nice and all. I’m going to do two Whose Blogs for you back to back! (Well, as back to back as I can make them; our first anual bloggiversary is quickly approaching! And that begs me to do something special! Or something…) So, I might as well get the first one done here. Without further adieu, I’m going to embark on my idea for the Whose Blog Is It Anyway?: The What-If Machine.

~~~

Hyrule was at peace. For many years, no threats had existed within Hyrule; Ganondorf had not been heard from, Vaati was nowhere to be seen, and the Wallet Monster had left, thus allowing the local economy to flourish in its absence. It was the best of times with the birds singing and the nature announcing its presence all around, everything being so wonderful and free…

It was also the worst of times, for everyone was so bloody bored. Everyone who had taken part in the battles for Hyrule’s salvation were stuck without anything to do. After so much excitement in their careers as direct participants against Ganon or just friends that had supported him through and through, peace just didn’t give them the same thrills as they used to experience. In fact, they were so bored that lounging together in the Chamber of the Sages, near-lifeless as each second that passed lingered in eternity, became the highlight of their life. Such was the case today.

“Alright, I got one,” Link said aloud in a monotonous voice. “I spy with my little eye something black.”

“Is it the infinite space above us?” Saria said idly, stifling a yawn as she finished.

“Shoot. You win again.” Link flopped over onto his stomach, his head collapsing into his outstretched arms. “Gee, it sure is boring around here. I just wonder what Ganon’s up to.”

“This sucks,” Malon said in forceful distaste. “This all sucks. At least when Ganon was around, stuff actually happened. Now all we have to do is play kiddie games on our GameCube.” A disheartened chorus of agreement met her accusation.

It was at that moment when things would suddenly change with the appearance of one man.

“Good news, everyone!” exclaimed Rauru in a raspy voice, but unexpectedly there was an excitement that no one had heard in years. “I have to show you my latest invention!”

“What is it?” asked Zelda as she pushed herself up from the floor to sit.

“I call it the Door!” At that moment, Rauru stepped next to a wooden door and opened it, revealing what appeared to be the Temple of Time on the other side. “You see? No longer will we all have to keep teleporting here because now…. now you can just walk through this wooden frame and… poof! You’re here! Isn’t that just brilliant?”

For a moment, there was a great look of disbelief as the lot of them simply stared at the Sage Rauru. Ruto’s mouth hung open, a trickle of drool spilling over it before she regained her self-control. “That has got to be the most idiotic thing I have ever—wait, what’s that thingy that’s attached to the Triforce?”

“What?” said Rauru as he peered through the door into the Temple of Time. Sure enough, there was the Triforce sitting in regal splendor… or at least mostly regal splendor, for there was a 17-inch LCD monitor with a microphone mounted upon the Triforce of Courage with a power cable running into the Triforce of Power and a DVI connector running into the Triforce of Wisdom. “Oh, that. That’s just the What-If Machine I managed to rig up yesterday. It can show you visions of possible alternate pasts and futures.”

“Oh! I want to try!” Tingle cried as he jumped up for joy. “Get out of the way, moron!” he said as he trampled over Link to reach to the Triforce first. Grabbing the microphone, he quickly said, “As a 35-year-old fairy, I’m never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So I’ve always secretly wondered: What if I was a real fairy?”

“You’ve never secretly wondered that,” said Zelda with a sigh. “But let’s watch, for humour’s sake.”

~~~

“Link! Link! Wake up!” came a squeaky voice from outside Link’s treehouse.

“Go away, Navi,” grumbled Link as he woke from a deep slumber, “I don’t want to get up just yet.”

“Oh, it’s not Navi, Mr. Fairy!” cried a jovial green fairy as it fluttered into the room. “I… killed her…”

Link shot up from the bed in a sitting position as if he had just woken from a horrible nightmare–or a wonderful dream, he couldn’t tell. “Say what?”

“I replaced her!” said the fairy quickly, still in his happy tone. “The Great Deku Tree sent me to be your new fairy, Mr. Fairy! Isn’t that wonderful?”

Link stared blankly at the green glowing ball of light for a moment before lapsing into a leisurely stretch and a big yawn. “Sure, whatever. What’s your name then?”

“My name’s Tingle! How about you?”

“Huh… Tingle, just like how fairies sound. My name’s Link. Nice to meet you.”

“The same! So what do you say we go adventuring today, Mr. Fairy!?”

“Please, call me Link. And sure. Let me just get my sword and stuff, and then I’ll be ready to go.”

It only took Link a few moments to gather his gear and full become awake–with most of the time spent on the latter of the two, and before they knew it, they were out in the Lost Woods, looking for Wolfos and Stalfos that might have wandered into the pristine nature preserve of the Lost Woods.

“Oh boy, Mr. Fairy! I’m so excited!” Tingle blubbered with substantial exuberance.

“It’s Link,” Link hissed at the fairy. It had been the two hundred twelfth time that he’d corrected his new fairy about the name so far, and Link was getting afraid that the count would quickly grow into numbers that he had not yet learned. “And be quiet,” he said softly; “you don’t want to scare them off.”

“Quite so, Mr. Fairy!” Tingle resumed with the same bright and sunny tone, as if an entire rainbow permeated his words. Link only muttered his own name under his breath in frustration.

The two wandered a bit further in, their conversation strained from Link’s point of view and quite splendid from Tingle’s (with a Mr. Fairy this and a Mr. Fairy that). In due time, Link and Tingle eventually came upon a white Wolfos sniffing about the woods, looking for a mid-day meal.

“There’s one,” Link said quietly. “It’s a good thing he’s so far away from Kokiri Village or else he might have gotten one of them for lunch.”

“Mr. Fairy, don’t even say something like that!” Tingle screamed. “I wouldn’t want Mido to die! He’s such a hunk!”

In an instant, Link’s eyes opened wide; the reason was only partially due to the nature of the fairy’s outburst, but it was more significantly affected by, not just one, but SEVERAL Wolfos in the immediate area. Wolf calls echoed into the sky, all of them charging Link’s general direction at once. “Why me…?”

The camera pans away for a moment as the sound of hisses and stabbing takes place below. Pieces of clothing and random bits of fur are tossed up into the air into view, and a fog of dirt from the scuffle below can easily be seen.

It is moments later when the camera turns back. The Wolfos are all dead, but not before attacking Link’s weak point for massive damage. He is scratched up rather significantly, his tunic tattered, and small trickles of blood oozing from deep cuts. “Good show, Mr. Fairy!” cried out Tingle in exuberance. “You did it! You beat them all up!”

Link’s eyes, glazed over moments before he spoke, grew red with evil. “It’s… Link…”

Within moments, a bottle is cast aside from Link’s inventory, and as the camera looks in closer, we can see Tingle trapped within. “But Mr. Fairy! I’ve been nothing but good to you! I’ve helped you! I’ve been a good fairy! Honest! C’mon, Mr. Fairy! Let’s quest together! You and I are a pair! The One True Pair!” But Link will have none of it. Without any words, he walks off. “Fine! Be that way! See if I wanted you! Just you wait… I will have… my revenge! Mwahahahahaha!”

~~~

Rauru frowned at the screen as the vision disappeared. “Well… that was… disturbing. Alright, who’s next?”

“It’s my turn!” Ruto proudly declared, stepping forward. “I want to know what would happen if Link and I were to get m—”

“Boring!” Tingle cried out.

“I agree,” said the Sage. “Let’s choose someone else. How about you, Malon?”

“Oh, me? Alright.” Stepping forward to the microphone, Malon’s face suddenly twisted into a devilish grin, her lips letting out a brief giggle. “I’ve got a good one, I think,” she said. “We all know that Zelda has always been such a tomboy—”

“I am not! Take that back, or I’ll punch you in the face!”

“—and that Link loves to dress up in womens’ clothing—”

“I will have you know that tunics are quite manly, girl!”

“—So I can’t help but wonder: What would have happened if Link had been born a girl… and Zelda a boy?”

With that, the Sage Rauru pulled a lever in the back of the Triforce, and once again the monitor came to life…

~~~

Linkerella woke up on a bright and sunny day promptly at dawn. It had been habit for her since as far back as she could remember. Life was bright and cheerful for her, even though she was the only girl in the Kokiri Forest without a fairy. In a way it actually made her charming; she was always free to play with the boys without having to hear the nagging of a fairy overhead, telling her that she should be doing other things. Indeed, life was quite good for her.

Until the morning when a fairy came along. She had already been up for two hours when a fairy, huffing and puffing her way over to the Kokiri, showed up. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! *pant* I thought you’d be in your treehouse or somewhere in the village, but no! I had to scour the entire forest to find you!”

“I’m very sorry. What brings you, kind fairy?”

“I’m told to tell you that the Great Deku Tree needs you! It’s of utmost importance! Come, follow me!”

And so they were immediately off, Linkerella skipping along back towards Kokiri Village and eventually to the entrance of the Great Deku Tree’s grove… where Mido stood, standing vigilant guard. “Hey!” said Mido. “Looks like you finally got a fairy! That’s awesome! So tell me… you come over here just to say hello to li’l ol’ me, eh?”

Linkerella shook her head daintily. “Sorry, no. I’ve been asked to go see the Deku Tree about something very important.”

“Oh sure, go on—wait, what!? You!? A girl!? Summoned by the Deku Tree!? When he’s like that!? I don’t believe you whatsoever. Sorry, but you cannot go in, no matter what. Not even a sword or shield will get you in. It’s for your own protection, because Papa Smurf the Deku Tree told me to not let anyone in whatsoever and I’m gonna—”

Mido didn’t even get a chance to finish his sentence because, just a moment later, Linkerella’s backhand of justice flew across Mido’s cheek, knocking him to the forest floor completely unaware of what had happened. “Thanks, but I’ll be the judge of that,” she replied and continued on in to the forest.

And there before her was the Great Tree, a frown across his wooden face. “Linkerella, for many years I have protected you here, but now I must tell you the truth about your childhood. You are no Kokiri! You came from outside this village… and I knew that you had been marked by the goddesses as a special child. But the time has come for you to leave the forest. I must ask that you go see Prince Zelus and give him this sacred emerald, the Spiritual Stone of the For—”

“What!? No dungeon?”

“I dare not risk your life within my bough, Linkerella. Please, seek Prince Zelus, and give him this stone.”

“This sucks…”

So Linkerella did as she was told and left the forest, travelling all the way to Hyrule Castle, sneaking past the guards, and into the inners of the castle whereupon she cast her eyes upon Prince Zelus, heir to the throne of Hyrule, for the first time. As she approached, Zelus heard something behind him, and he turned around suddenly… revealing a boy with glasses over his eyes.

“Er…. you’re not supposed to be in here. I suggest that you leave before I order my guards on you. I presume you don’t want that.”

“Wait, wait, listen to me. I was sent by our Guardian Spirit, the Great Deku Tree, to give you this.” In a flash, the Kokiri Emerald rested in the palms of Linkerella’s hands, showing it to the prince.

“Well would you look at that… an emerald. I had a dream about this, but dreams are absolutely silly, don’t you think? I need to make sure this is what I think it is. To the laboratory! I need a microscope!” Taking it from Linkerella’s hands, Zelus started for the laboratory.

“Er wait! The Deku Tree, he said something about getting two more stones like this? Should… should I go and get them or something?”

“Oh don’t you worry your pretty little head,” Zelus replied coolly. “I wouldn’t want to endanger you or something; I think I could handle it myself if need be. But if you want, just stick around for a bit while I go and check this baby out! Ta ta for now!”

Linkerella started to protest, but Zelus was already gone. So Linkerella found a bench in the small courtyard and waited… and waited… and waited… and then she waited some more… and just about the time when she was going to fall asleep, a bird chirped, causing her to wake up again so she had to wait some more.

By that time it was nearly dusk, and then Linkerella heard a movement within the bushes a few yards away, and out came Ganondorf, the King of Evil.

“Oh!” he said rather nervously. “I thought I was alone out here.”

“Nope,” said Linkerella in a rather bored tone without looking at the stranger.

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you be then,” said the King of Evil.

“Alrigh—hey!” Linkerella suddenly took a look at Ganondorf, and a sudden connection was made. “Your the evil guy that’s been in my dreams lately! Die, now!” And thus, the backhand of justice was delivered again, knocking Ganondorf unconscious in one blow…

…causing the “Congratulations! The End.” screen to appear on the television, proceeded by the six-hour long credit sequence as Linkerella waits patiently for Zelus to return to trigger the final cutscene.

~~~

“Alright,” Rauru said once the monitor went blank, “I think we have time for one more. Link, I think you deserve to ask after that last one.”

“Hmmm… This is a big decision,” he said, pausing for a moment in thought. “Oh, I’ve got one. I like a challenge, and I’ve always wanted to fight some guy named Luke Skywalker that I’ve never heard of in my life.”

The Sage crossed his arms as he thought for a moment. “Could you put that in the form of a question?”

Link put his finger to his mouth in thought. “Uh, what if… that thing I said?” In a moment, the screen came to life once more…

~~~

Link slowly crept through the temple, his face near pale as he inched forward little by little. There was an ominous presence within this temple; it was quiet… too quiet… and there was the sick sense that he was not alone, that there were eyes within the walls, watching… waiting… waiting… He peeked timidly around the next corner, exposing a single eye, a lock of blond hair, and a signature green cap. “I… don’t like… this place…” he whispered to himself. Feeling a gentle caress of courage from his piece of the Triforce, he stepped out into the room before him, wandering into the open… into the darkness.

Suddenly, a broad beam of light spread into the room, revealing a man who by no means was cartoony or cel-shaded or even constructed of polygons. He was pure, standing with his back to the foreigner within this place, the Jedi Temple. “I do not wish to fight you,” the man said.

“…” said Link as he cast his eyes upon the man dressed in white.

“Hmmm, I see that the Force and the ‘Force wills this meeting, however. Then we must face our destiny,” the man said. “My name is Luke Skywalker, and I accept your challenge.” He turned around, facing Link, revealing his face for the first time.

“…” said Link as he pulled forth the Master Sword, daring his opponent to make a move.

It was met with a beam of light eminating from the sabre he held, glowing green upon the floor.

Link frowned, muttering, “…” He held his sword up to the ceiling of the room and screamed as power began to course through his body. The Master Sword lit up in a shade of blue, brightly illuminating the room. “…” he countered.

“Then let us begin.”

Luke and Link ran towards each other with immense agility and speed, and as they met, they swung their blades at one another, ready to duel!… But in a single stroke, the Master Sword was cut in two by Luke’s lightsabre, the tip clattering against the ground noisily.

“For the love of Nayru!” cursed Link. “How can I fight a guy whose weapon cuts through anything except a weapon that isn’t in my fandom!?”

Just as Luke was about to answer, another light appeared within the room, this time revealing a fairy… but one that had grown much larger than even the Greatest of all the Fairies. It glowed a bright green, so brightly that both Luke and Link had to shield their eyes. It… was Tingle. “Link…” he said in a dark, gravelly tone, “I am your father.”

“No, no! That’s not true! That’s impossible!”

Search the Internet. You know it to be true.”

“Noooo… NOOOOOOO—wait a minute.” Link quickly looks over to Luke’s lightsabre, still glowing green. “Hey, pal… y’mind helping me out here?”

“Believe me, I know what it’s like to have strange psychopath fathers. Don’t mind if I do.”

Moments later, Luke and Link wandered off towards the sunset, quite relieved that a great… well, something… had been removed from the face of the planet. Tune in next time for more… Taaaaales oooooof Inteeeerreeeeeeest!

Filed under Games, Humor, Metafiction, Whose Blog?

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74 Messages from the Gossip Stones about “Whose Blog?: The What-If Machine”

    Comments

    IT PASSES THE SEAL OF APPROVAL!

    I would definitely like to see another Zelda What-If Machine post. It’s a nice concept to do more or less anything with. ;)

    An interesting fusion between Futurama and Zelda, although I thought you missed the obvious joke in where Malon and Zelda follow Ruto with the same question. Regardless, excellent metafiction.

    This one really had me laughing, especially Tingle’s OTP remark. Hurray!

    Still, there was one thing that unnerved me. I’d never seen the clips from Wand of Gamelon or Faces of Evil before, but oh, dear Goddesses, my eyes! My brain! @[email protected];;

    VenusQueenOfFaeries said:

    This one really had me laughing, especially Tingle’s OTP remark. Hurray!

    Still, there was one thing that unnerved me. I’d never seen the clips from Wand of Gamelon or Faces of Evil before, but oh, dear Goddesses, my eyes! My brain! @[email protected];;

    Let it me known that I played those games as a child and have beaten both of those. You have absolutely no idea how bad it was. (I’m actually thinking about putting up my a quasi-review of them up here someday.)

    Just a question; what was Tingle doing in the Chamber of Sages?

    This is great, and I especially liked the part with Linkerella Prince Zelus. This is an instant classic.

    I know it’s not supposed to be a serious fanfic… but for some reason I never like them. Not even licensed Zelda mangas. There’s just too much substance missing to do an entertaining story.

    Seriously, do we play Zelda for its story? Aside for a few cool cutscenes here and there, not at all. And of course, fanfics implies FAN, which is written by an amateur. So combine both to write a story, gnehhh…

    SmashManiac said:

    Seriously, do we play Zelda for its story? Aside for a few cool cutscenes here and there, not at all.

    Well when it comes to games, the gameplay is a very important part of the game. But still a good story still is a very important part of it as well. Just say you were playing a Zelda game but the story was rubbish, such as ganondorf had stolen Links hat. Also sorry for posting the same post again, I hade just stuffed up the other one.

    Linkerella’s Backhand of Justice

    SmashManiac said:

    Seriously, do we play Zelda for its story? Aside for a few cool cutscenes here and there, not at all.

    Sure. We play it for the gameplay as well… but we don’t go around Zelda sites saying, “Man! That A Button is the bomb! It’s the best dang button in the whole Zelda series!”

    And of course, fanfics implies FAN, which is written by an amateur. So combine both to write a story, gnehhh…

    Methinks you have issues with seeing Zelda in the written word AT ALL regardless of its origin. The mangas are (to coin the term) profiction, not fanfiction. Regardless, so long as we refer to “amateur” as “devotee” or “one who uses something as a pastime” rather than “one who sucks at something,” you’ll have no arguments from me. ;)

    UltimaLuminaire said:

    Linkerella’s Backhand of Justice

    Sounds like a “Tick” phrase.

    THANK YOU TML!! That Luke v Link thing was awesome.

    “Good news, everyone!” Tales of Interest, Part 2.

    Holy crap, it just ate my entire message, and I know exactly why. Anyways, what I originally said:

    “Good new, everyone!” That made me laugh, as it is my 2nd favorite phrase in Futurama (second only to Zoidberg’s “Whoop woop woop woop!”)

    Although the idea/execution is a ripoff of Futurama, I found it to be quite entertaining and hilarious. Flattery and imitation go hand in hand and this was very funny. Double thumbs up! I only hope that there will be a Tales of Interest, Part 2.

    So many ideas put in one page. IT’s your best, yet, TML. Linkerella got the game finished faster than Link, but it’s funny, but I hate Prince Zelus, he’s so snobby. *in a lowered tune* Linkerella’s Backhand of Justice, WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! This is a comical genius. And, someone needs to make a fan art of Link Vs. Luke Vs. Tingle ^_^

    The whole thing was awesome. Great job. I wonder what Linkerella would look like. And would Saria then be a boy? Sarius, Sario?

    BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE READ IN THE ‘BLOG FOR A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME! YOU HAVE TO DO MORE OF THESE! THEY’RE HILARIOUS!!!!! (Sorry if it looks like I’m complaining about the long time interval between them……whatever…………I like dots…………………) Please do more!

    ha haha i like how you put all that stuff together :D
    lol Tingle would be such a annoying fairy

    SS4 Kurama said:

    ha haha i like how you put all that stuff together :D
    lol Tingle would be such a annoying fairy

    Hence the reason he was caught in a bottle and thrown away. Of course, fighting a guy who can cut through your sword would be much more frutserating, you cant just dispose of him. I wonder who would win, Link or Chuck Norris?

    Tingle finally did something right though, he interupted Ruto’s sick fantasies of inter-species marriage. Bleh. And I thought Kirk was bad. I wish I had that machine. I could plague my friends dad to no end with my “what if’s?” during battletech games. He’s the GM and he gets annoyerd by “what if” questions.

    that was funny :D .I liked the part with the door.

    Wahahahahahaaaa!!!!! O my goodness! that was hilarious!
    Since I was an avid star-wars fan before LoZ, the last “what if” was even more hliarious!!!!!!!

    • 21. Sage says:

    bwa… bwa… bwa-HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! Pure genious! XD *falls off chair* HAH… backhand of justice… XD that IS what would happen, too. haha, everyone’s all bored… “I call it the Door!” XD and tingle as a fairy, and the Luke Skywalker fight, AHAHAHA, OOOOOOOOOHMAHGAWDICANTBREATHE *gasp for air* …”I just wonder what Ganon’s up to right now” BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA- *gackchokesputter* *dies from lack of air*

    … good job.

    XD! Hilarious!

    I click here and it took me to whos blog 5?Then I click the back button and it took me here.

    Light Link 007 said:
    I wonder who would win, Link or Chuck Norris?

    Chuck Norris without a doubt in my mind. A single round-house kick would shatter the Master Sword to millions of pieces. Then again, could the round-house kick even compare with the Backhand of Justice?

    My question is who, Navi or Tingle, takes home the MAF Award (MAF is pronounced like math only with an -f instead of a -th, MAF = Most Annoying Fairy). Someone ought to start a poll on that…

    But an absolutely ingenius writing, TML! Linkerella becomes an instant classic fairy tale, and Luke vs. Link goes down in history as the world’s greatest duel.

    Pretty funny, but… Caress of courage? CARESS? That’s kinda creepy, man. Sure, jolt of courage, stab of courage, but CARESS? Courage isn’t gentle! How about “Link felt a shove of courage as he jumped in the room double-wielding the bokoblin machetes?

    I think Link. Because Chuck is, albeit strong, an idiot, and his wife could be a guy. And Link could use the stone mask and then sneak attack Chuck and kill him.

    Even though the What-If Machine is cool “the Door” is cooler.

    evil link said:

    This is great, and I especially liked the part with Linkerella Prince Zelus. This is an instant classic.

    umm…i’m soory,my fellow zelda-lovers,but what the bloody heck are those ppl?!??!?!!?!?!?

    carress of courage…LOL!!!!!(but who would do the caress though…depends on the game…)

    I have to admit that it was funny…
    but the thing at the top where you mentioned Ikana Canyon and Vaati got me exited because I thought that something interesting was going to be written. Although it’s funny and all, it sounds too random. Not only that, but it sounds like something completely out of a clown’s mind. And once again I say that it’s funny, but not interesting. I will probably never read it again. I was looking forward for the blog to come out only to find that it wasn’t interesting and that the humor died after you were done with it the first time. I hope not a lot of these are done :(

    Carress of Courage, where the *NAVI* was that? I better go re-read the whole thing :D My sibling saw an episode of Futurama with the “What-If” Machine in it, but that show is perverse (and it reminds me of The Simpsons) anyways, I gotta go re-read it *zooms out of view*

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Carress of Courage, where the *NAVI* was that?

    Linkerella’s a girl. Thus, why WOULDN’T the Triforce of Courage adapt to the sentiments of its owner. ;) (Alright, so maybe no one thinks it’s funny but me. But I like it, dang it!)

    Found it, it was in the Link Vs. Luke portion. To quote it:

    Link slowly crept through the temple, his face near pale as he inched forward little by little. There was an ominous presence within this temple; it was quiet… too quiet… and there was the sick sense that he was not alone, that there were eyes within the walls, watching… waiting… waiting… He peeked timidly around the next corner, exposing a single eye, a lock of blond hair, and a signature green cap. “I… don’t like… this place…” he whispered to himself. Feeling a gentle caress of courage from his piece of the Triforce, he stepped out into the room before him, wandering into the open… into the darkness.

    (((Emphasis Mine)))

    If it was meant for Linkerella *shickers* why was it in the battle of the century? *busts out laughing* Forgive me, but this is the funniest article I’ve ever read, period!

    yea,it was prettey funny.

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Found it, it was in the Link Vs. Luke portion. To quote it:

    Link slowly crept through the temple, his face near pale as he inched forward little by little. There was an ominous presence within this temple; it was quiet… too quiet… and there was the sick sense that he was not alone, that there were eyes within the walls, watching… waiting… waiting… He peeked timidly around the next corner, exposing a single eye, a lock of blond hair, and a signature green cap. “I… don’t like… this place…” he whispered to himself. Feeling a gentle caress of courage from his piece of the Triforce, he stepped out into the room before him, wandering into the open… into the darkness.

    (((Emphasis Mine)))

    If it was meant for Linkerella *shickers* why was it in the battle of the century? *busts out laughing* Forgive me, but this is the funniest article I’ve ever read, period!

    i don’t get it…

    but that’s alright,right,link clones?*link clones nods head like a bobble head*

    Meh… so you got me. This article was a tough one to write considering there were so many parts to it. You can all allow me one slight oopsy. ;)

    I totally agree TML. Everyone deserve to be allowed oopsies. Heck, if I wasn’t, I’d be killed by now. But man, finding out Tingle s your father, what a shock. And then finding out that your Tingle and thus your own father. *sigh of pity* Poor guy.

    The Missing Link said:

    Meh… so you got me. This article was a tough one to write considering there were so many parts to it. You can all allow me one slight oopsy. ;)

    IT’s that one “slight oopsie” that makes it funny ^_^ I think the funniest part of the Link Vs. Luke is when they were talking about psychotic fathers. I just wonder, what happened to Tingle how does it smell after Luke cut Tingle up with the lightsabre. I’m sure burnt Tingle isn’t too pleasent.

    Hahahaha that was great TML I love that episode of Futurama, I didnt know you were such a big fan of that show. But still as much as I like that show it will never be better than the Simpsons.

    Robert-UK said:

    Hahahaha that was great TML I love that episode of Futurama, I didnt know you were such a big fan of that show. But still as much as I like that show it will never be better than the Simpsons.

    I never watched either,yet both shows give me a wierd feeling :D (not a good one mind you).I liked tingles part(s) the most though.

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    The Missing Link said:

    Meh… so you got me. This article was a tough one to write considering there were so many parts to it. You can all allow me one slight oopsy. ;)

    IT’s that one “slight oopsie” that makes it funny ^_^ I think the funniest part of the Link Vs. Luke is when they were talking about psychotic fathers. I just wonder, what happened to Tingle how does it smell after Luke cut Tingle up with the lightsabre. I’m sure burnt Tingle isn’t too pleasent.

    Han Solo knows how burnt Tingle smells.

    Han Solo said:

    And I thought these things smelled bad… on the outside.

    Robert-UK said:
    Hahahaha that was great TML I love that episode of Futurama, I didnt know you were such a big fan of that show. But still as much as I like that show it will never be better than the Simpsons.

    Futurama was a better show because it quit while it was ahead, rather than dragging out over years and years and losing it’s hilarity due to outlandish plots. Then again, word on the street is that Futurama is coming back. Still, I would rather watch Futurama or an old Simpsons episode than a new Simpsons episode.

    Woop woop woop! *skuttles*

    *picks up the microphone* I was wondering, what if Ruto and Dark Link fell in love? Wait, NebThauDragmire answered that one for me ^_^ never mind, then.

    Halan said:

    Futurama was a better show because it quit while it was ahead, rather than dragging out over years and years and losing it’s hilarity due to outlandish plots. Then again, word on the street is that Futurama is coming back. Still, I would rather watch Futurama or an old Simpsons episode than a new Simpsons episode.

    Woop woop woop! *skuttles*

    I question the mental sanity of it’s creator, for creating the *NAVIng* show in the first place. *lol* Here’s my real question for the What-If Machine, what if Link as in Termina, and playing in the shooting gallery, when all of a sudden, his worst enemies became the targets. That would be something funny.

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    *picks up the microphone* I was wondering, what if Ruto and Dark Link fell in love? Wait, NebThauDragmire answered that one for me ^_^ never mind, then.

    Halan said:

    Futurama was a better show because it quit while it was ahead, rather than dragging out over years and years and losing it’s hilarity due to outlandish plots. Then again, word on the street is that Futurama is coming back. Still, I would rather watch Futurama or an old Simpsons episode than a new Simpsons episode.

    Woop woop woop! *skuttles*

    I question the mental sanity of it’s creator, for creating the *NAVIng* show in the first place. *lol* Here’s my real question for the What-If Machine, what if Link as in Termina, and playing in the shooting gallery, when all of a sudden, his worst enemies became the targets. That would be something funny.

    I can answer that. They’d get shot and couldn’t do anything about it because they’d be tied to posts.

    Lawl. That was good TML.

    I wonder what would happen if monkeys turn rabid half-way through the forest/swamp part of MM?

    Halan said:

    Robert-UK said:
    Hahahaha that was great TML I love that episode of Futurama, I didnt know you were such a big fan of that show. But still as much as I like that show it will never be better than the Simpsons.

    Futurama was a better show because it quit while it was ahead, rather than dragging out over years and years and losing it’s hilarity due to outlandish plots. Then again, word on the street is that Futurama is coming back. Still, I would rather watch Futurama or an old Simpsons episode than a new Simpsons episode.

    Woop woop woop! *skuttles*

    I respect your oppinion but I dont agree, I love the crazy outlandish plots that the Simpsons have had and I cant wait for next years Simpsons movie. The reason that Futurama ended when it did was because of the viewing figures, they just werent high enough and the show got canned but due to some fan petitions Futurama did a Farscape and is coming back for a special or two.

    BTW the best Futurama episode “EVER” is the one staring all of the remaining *i.e. living* members of the original series of Star Trek, watching Welshies lifeless body being constantly blasted by the energy being every time it lost its temper until it was vaporised had me in stitches for the entire day, and youll be hard pressed to find a funnier character than Zap Branagan who is obviously based on Captain Kirk ^^.

    Kirk makes me sick. That could be partly due to my brother watching star trek all the time. Honestly that show is on 12 hours a day on one channel or another. I’m quite sick of it.

    What if epona was a llama?

    Thats so messed up! Just cause Links a girl!
    Thats so messed up…..man!
    OOooOOoo Zelda we gonna get em when you save Links butt in TP!
    GIRL POWER!

    I’ll answer that one for you,(((This is in the setting of OoT, when Link was in his grown-up quests))) when Link travels through Hyrule, and low on cow milk, he milks his llama named Epona, whenever he calls her from the other side of Hyrule, she comes up to him and spits in his face for leaving her somewhere else in the field, and when they travel through the Desert, he shaves her bald with the Master Sword so she remains cool in the hot oven called the Gerudo Desert. And in MM, he shaves her again, goes back in time, and does it again, then goes back in time, and does it again, until he makes a wool coat for the Snowhead Temple.

    Wow. Now I hope Link gets a Llama in TP. LOL.

    Light Link 007 said:

    Wow. Now I hope Link gets a Llama in TP. LOL.

    Wow, that was unexpected. Why do you want a llama Epona? What if, Link’s parents never died?

    That was funny! Hahahaahaahahaa! I like the part where the Master Sword breaks, you broke the law, TML, the Master Sword is supposed to be unbreakable, against anything! *handcuffs TML* Come with me, lol.

    LOL!! Tunics ARE quite manly! XD Ahhh…what a great game! I would soo play it! :D And Prince Zelus is a rip off of Dexter. XD

    Ow…my gut hurts…XD

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    Wow. Now I hope Link gets a Llama in TP. LOL.

    Wow, that was unexpected. Why do you want a llama Epona? What if, Link’s parents never died?

    Llamma question: Because he’d get a wool coat and free milk.

    Parents question: He’d probably get grounded for getting home so late. Also if it’s WW, he’d probably get accused of stealing the bot. And if it’s any one with a fairy he’d get in trouble for getting a pet without permission. Also in MM he’d be in trouble for joining a gang. But maybe he’d get free soup. And a free bed.

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    Wow. Now I hope Link gets a Llama in TP. LOL.

    Wow, that was unexpected. Why do you want a llama Epona? What if, Link’s parents never died?

    Wow, what if Link’s parents were… Llamas?

    He should be a Llama then. *gasp*… Link folks are Llama’s but he’s not!! More mystery behind the simplicity of the green man. What if Robert-UK is a Llama? :)

    Seriously though, what if Link and Zelda actually kiss in this one?

    Light Link 007 said:

    Seriously though, what if Link and Zelda actually kiss in this one?

    Then it would turn into something from TML’s mind (which is always cool, or funny, depending upon his choices)

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    Seriously though, what if Link and Zelda actually kiss in this one?

    Then it would turn into something from TML’s mind (which is always cool, or funny, depending upon his choices)

    That is mildly scary.

    What if Link gets an axe instead of a hammer or biggoron sword! That would rock! I love axes by the way. GO HECTOR!

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    Seriously though, what if Link and Zelda actually kiss in this one?

    Then it would turn into something from TML’s mind

    You should so totally be scared… ;)

    *reading TML’s comment* *lol* That was funny ^_^ I’m not easily scared (unless I’m reading something about ghosts or Mothman, which are not related to this subject, so no asky) and since it’s October, it’s ok to be scary. What if Tingle had obtained the Triforce?

    TINGLE OBTAINING THE TRIFORCE?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THE WORLD WOULD BE DOOMED!!
    Tingle wouldn’t be too bad, hed just become a fairy and find a Kokiri and be happy unto the end of his days.
    But what if Chuck Norris was a llama? ¬_¬ Don’t answer that?
    No, the real question is what if Ingo obtained it? I don’t think he’d stop with Lon Lon ranch.

    Light Link 007 said:

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    Seriously though, what if Link and Zelda actually kiss in this one?

    Then it would turn into something from TML’s mind (which is always cool, or funny, depending upon his choices)

    That is mildly scary.

    What if Link gets an axe instead of a hammer or biggoron sword! That would rock! I love axes by the way. GO HECTOR!

    if only they werent so inaccurate :( (exept in hectors hands of coarse ;) ).

    Light Link 007 said:

    He should be a Llama then. *gasp*… Link folks are Llama’s but he’s not!! More mystery behind the simplicity of the green man. What if Robert-UK is a Llama? :)

    Seriously though, what if Link and Zelda actually kiss in this one?

    Booo, booo Link and Ruto forever, haha.

    Robert-UK said:

    Booo, booo Link and Ruto forever, haha.

    EWWW! NO FISH PEOPLE!
    But honestly though, WHAT IF Ingo could get th Triforce?

    Light Link 007 said:

    Robert-UK said:

    Booo, booo Link and Ruto forever, haha.

    EWWW! NO FISH PEOPLE!
    But honestly though, WHAT IF Ingo could get th Triforce?

    Well it would explain the existence of the Mermaid in Links Awakening, lol.

    Robert-UK said:

    Light Link 007 said:

    Robert-UK said:

    Booo, booo Link and Ruto forever, haha.

    EWWW! NO FISH PEOPLE!
    But honestly though, WHAT IF Ingo could get th Triforce?

    Well it would explain the existence of the Mermaid in Links Awakening, lol.

    Not Hardly. The Mermaid in Link’s Awakening needs no explanation. Nothing in LA does, because its a dream. Its just gross. Its worse than Kirk. At least those girls looked human. Ruto is hideous.

    Well you know what they say about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder, maybe Link likes fish women, haha.

    Light Link 007 said:
    At least those girls looked human. Ruto is hideous.

    well lets face it,lots of characters looked hideous in oot.thats why I want nintendo to remake it.and if ingo got the triforce he would probably wish for something stupid like his own ranch or something.now someone who would be scary with the triforce is that old lady on windfall island who thinks shes great looking :) .

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    well lets face it,lots of characters looked hideous in oot.thats why I want nintendo to remake it.and if ingo got the triforce he would probably wish for something stupid like his own ranch or something.now someone who would be scary with the triforce is that old lady on windfall island who thinks shes great looking :) .

    *lol* I know, she’d look sixteen again, with a perfect face, but then she’d go through puberty agian, unless she wished to be young forever, then she’d be stuck in puberty for life. If Ingo would have the Triforce, then Talon would be working Ranch City, and everyone but Talon had to work. What if, TML gotten the Triforce?

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    well lets face it,lots of characters looked hideous in oot.thats why I want nintendo to remake it.and if ingo got the triforce he would probably wish for something stupid like his own ranch or something.now someone who would be scary with the triforce is that old lady on windfall island who thinks shes great looking :) .

    *lol* I know, she’d look sixteen again, with a perfect face, but then she’d go through puberty agian, unless she wished to be young forever, then she’d be stuck in puberty for life. If Ingo would have the Triforce, then Talon would be working Ranch City, and everyone but Talon had to work. What if, TML gotten the Triforce?

    I have a scarier one for you, what if “I” got the Triforce mwahahahahar, I would recreate the world and make it more like Hyrule.

    Hyrulian Hero said: What if, TML gotten the Triforce?

    I think the obvious wish for anyone whos not a game would be a sorce for more wishes (no,im not greedy ;) ).you know,a genie or something.then when you have an infinite loop going,you make your wishes.it would go something like: 1)wish for a genie from the triforce 2)wish for two desired things from the genie 3)use your last wish to set the genie free! wish for the triforce again 4)use the triforce to wish for a new genie,just incase :) 5)enjoy your infinite wishes!

    Well, the Triforce has the power of the gods, while a genie has semi-phenominal cosmic powers (I seen those movies to :) ) so, when you have the genie, you will have some limitations. The Triforce could (probably) do more than the Dragonballs (seen those too)

    What if Robert-UK got the Triforce Navi finally shuts up, then Link starts talking?

    Hyrulian Hero said:

    Well, the Triforce has the power of the gods, while a genie has semi-phenominal cosmic powers (I seen those movies to :) ) so, when you have the genie, you will have some limitations. The Triforce could (probably) do more than the Dragonballs (seen those too)

    What if Robert-UK got the Triforce Navi finally shuts up, then Link starts talking?

    the dragon balls are only as powerful as the stupid creater of them.there kind of lame in that way.and maybe the genie wouldnt know what the triforce is (im sure he would catch on after the 100th time you wished for it though).and if link talked instead of navi,she would inevitably become the main character :) (everybody knows that characters who dont talk are the main stars ).

    Great Lord Ephraim said:

    the dragon balls are only as powerful as the stupid creater of them.there kind of lame in that way.and maybe the genie wouldnt know what the triforce is (im sure he would catch on after the 100th time you wished for it though).and if link talked instead of navi,she would inevitably become the main character :) (everybody knows that characters who dont talk are the main stars ).

    Yeah, that’s why I quit watching the show, it got lame. ‘m sure the genie would know if you explained what the Triforce does. And finally, well, that’s somewhat true for Nintendo. Of course, Fox McCloud talks, and he’s the hero of Star Fox, and Tak from Tak and the power of JuJu, he talks.

    hmmm…I guess you’ll just have to wish for a mindless genie then :? (it has to know how to grant wishes though,just do some thinking and put it in wish form :) ).

    and besides those two you named,I dont think theres many other talkative main stars that arent in a flashback game.I think its kind of like the speachless link strategy :) .

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