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A.S.S.A - The Twilight Princess Delay

February 18th, 2006 at 4:12 pm by Darth Citrus

The following article deals with a very serious subject.

The alleged Twilight Princess delay.

The usual lightheartedness that the A.S.S.A offers will be put aside today in order to discuss the current and future implications of this matter. Those of you who cannot bring yourself to talk about this in a mature and upright manner should not read the following article. As this article deals with mature subject manner, reader discretion is advised. For the rest of you, feel free to continue inside and explore the true depths of this topic.

Just kidding.

Honestly, did you think I would really pass up an opportunity like this to poke some fun at the whole TP delay issue? With that, I welcome you to another edition of A Somewhat Serious Article. In this edition I will be talking about THE TWILIGHT PRINCESS DELAY.

As many of you know it’s that time of the year again. The time where birds sing, the snow melts, and rumors pop out of ground like gophers at a picnic. It’s that time of the year where very little bit of Zelda news is pounced upon like the ravenous fans we are.

This “dry period” before games is common and its understandable why many of us would be anxious if not irritated at the thought of a delay. Reports that TP was postponed till November, then withdrawn. TP is coming out for the Revolution, or wait its only suppose to have Revolution capabilities. No it doesn’t, yes it does. And on and on it goes in a debate that will continue until Nintendo decides to stop laughing at us, and give us a date.

Now the delay of games are nothing new. Companies do it all the time, and usually fans accept this. But Nintendo must learn that this comes at a price. For each delay, the fans expectations become higher and higher. Delay the game long enough and no matter what the game is like, it will not satisfy the fans.

But how do you know if you’ve reached that point? Simple. I have compiled a list of how my expectations of TP will increase with each coming delay. You simply need to compare yours to mine.

With that I give you:

The One and Only

All delays are measured from April 2006, since that’s the current expected release date from IGN and other less important gaming sites.

NOVEMBER 2006 – Delay: 7 Months

With the announcement at E3 that Twilight Princess would be pushed to November for the Revolution, it would be a long summer to wait through. Despite ever growing uneasiness and initial outrage, the community would patiently wait to see how the game would look on the Revolution.

Expectations: At this point, I only expect that TP will look great and play great on the Revolution. I also fully expect to have a sword attachment for the controller.

JUNE 2007 – Delay: 14 Months

Though Twilight Princess didn’t become a launch title for the Revolution the console became an initial success, out selling the Xbox 360 and forcing Sony to declare bankruptcy. However all that fell on deaf ears as Zelda fans began turning to other games, tired of waiting for TP.

Expectations: Twilight Princess at this point is going the way of Starcraft: Ghost, which would have been in development for 6 years at this point. TP better have over 400 hours of gameplay otherwise it will just be a waste of my time.

DECEMBER 2010 – Delay: 4 Years and 8 Months

Pikmin 5 and Mario Party XX, become the best sellers of this month. Nintendo buys out Microsoft in celebration of their success. Profits for 2010 also allow Nintendo to purchase ownership of half of Washington.

Expectations: As one of the few remaining fans at this point, Nintendo should not only GIVE me the game, but also erect a freaking statue of me on their campus.

Yes thats actually me, and yes it better be diamond.

I’m serious. It should have me holding the Master Sword, and it should be carved out of DIAMOND.

AUGUST 2025 – Delay: 19 Years and 4 Months

Nintendo introduces the new Nintendo: Extermination, next generation console. Ads that the new console will exterminate the competition brings much laughter as no competition exists at this point. Nintendo also becomes recognized as a world power by the UN.

Expectations: The new Extermination guarantees I can actually “Live the Legend”, then I better *Navi* well be able to “Live the Legend”

I mean. I really want to see what red potion tastes like.

If I can’t be physically transported into the game where that bat is able to eat me, then Nintendo has failed like no company has failed before.

JANUARY 2060 – Delay 53 Years and 9 Months

Twilight Princess is delayed for the record breaking 200th time. Existing fans that were around when the game was announced continue to be shocked and dismayed. This year the Adventure of Tingle 8 comes out to the delight of children everywhere.

Expectations: Nothing much can be said that this picture doesn’t show:

The fabled Seventh Dimension

At that point if Twilight Princess doesn’t immediately convey me to the seventh dimension in a sports car with people I don’t know, it’s not worth buying. Period.

SEPTEMBER 2256 - Delay: ∞

Twilight Princess officially gets canceled after polls reveal no one is interested in the game anymore.

Expectations:

The world will end, if Twilight Princess gets canceled. Duh.

So when E3 rolls around, and the envitable happens, take some time to compare your expectations with mine. While we may certainly not enjoy the delay, hopefully it will be for the best. However if we get to the point where the sun would explode well…

Let’s just hope we don’t get to that point.

But just remember to keep your cool. And before any of you do decide to take this article too seriously, please remember that these are only my expectations, and that this is only A Somewhat Serious Article.

POST NOTE: Just one day after this article was written the delay to Q4 2006 was confirmed. At e3 it was also revealed TP was going to be a launch title for the Nintendo Wii, then called Revolution.

I scare myself sometimes.

Filed under Twilight Princess, Humor, A.S.S.A.

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Comments

Pun alert!Nice one DC, pretty good, but by then, our grandchildren will be Zelda addicted, so addicted they’ll think they are in Hyrule, either that or take total control of Nintendo to destroy all known Tingle information and destroy the CD-i systems and games.I like to know more of the CD-i games, but a Tingle erase from exsistance would be…greater than…I can’t think of anything, but it would be the greast thing in the world.

Hahahahahahaha, “falls over laughing”
That is the best freaking A.S.S.A I’ve ever seen.

sounds pretty good to me :)

OMG, that was awesome! particularly the ending picture of teh world collapsing in on itself.
although, and i almost hesitate to say this, my brother, master InterWeb explorer that he is, says that a release date has been given for sometine in April. i havent read that, but he’s usually pretty savvy about such things as these.

If TP comes out next year, we should tell them to remake the CD-i series (and make them better) otherwise, we all will switch to Sony (just kiddind)

I seriously doubt the TP will be delayed ANY longer that Nov’er. It has been a freakin’ year. dang.

(I’d say something else, but you’d probably ban my IP address.)

LOL! ROFL! Nice, too bad I won’t be around to see when it comes out :(

I still hope we get an April/May release. What is the deal with SC: Ghost anyway?

Should your prediction about 2256 be wrong, I’m going to put forth a prediction.

OCTOBER 2256 (Delay: Too long to count)

Twilight Princess is renamed to be Tingle Princess… just to save in development time since they had more Tingle character models to begin with anyways.

lol…Darth, you are my hero. lol.

Just one beef: by January 2060, Duke Nukem Forever will have set a new record for the number of delays. Whether TP or DNF will be in the lead at that point is still up in the air. DNF’s devteam hasn’t set a release date, so currently it can’t be delayed and TP is capable of gaining fast. However, both devteams are going to change a lot as people resign, retire and die of cancer, and there’s no way to be sure that the new devteams won’t completely swap positions on the issue.

I have some for you guys (to fill in DC’s timeline)
July 2020: Miyamoto steps out of the Nintendo building, and reveals entire Timeline, then is shipped off for Alcatraz for his own protection (rabid fans)

Oh man I havent laughed like that in a long time, good job Darth Citrus. But seriously if it does take that long we will have to become Suicide Bombers and run at Nintendo’s Japanese HQ screaming “GIVE US TWILIGHT PRINCESS” before going out in a blaze of glory takeing all of the Zelda Development Team with us.

This was the ASSA I was waiting for, Darth!

My expectations do not follow the same as yours…but it’s pretty darn close.

And I agree with TML about Twilight Princess becoming Tingle Princess in 2256.

STRAP TML TO A CHAIR, PUT HIM IN A STRAIGHT JACKET, HE’S OBVIOUSLY GONE *NAVI* sorry, after the news, I am very unstable.I’ll be back to my normal stae in a week (by then I’ll truly let it sink in) so I’ll be crazy until then.*takes TML out of straight jacket* Sorry about that, just don’t sent me a Wallet Boss, please, I didn’t mean too.Tingle Princess, kinda funny.And Robert, we may have to put you on a straight jacket before you go kamikaze on NoJ.This delay shouldn’t be that bad, people keep saying the longer the better.

I would like you all to know for the record, that I had no idea the news about the delay would have come so fast.

Diamond Statue I tell you. :P

Darth Citrus said:

Diamond Statue I tell you. :P

What that?Lets hope this sad ending (if it is a sad ending, I could be wrong) lets hope its as good as LA (thanks to many people who went to that subject about LA) but if it is a good ending, it better be good enough to make us wait almost a year (or two) I have a question, and he (or she) that answers it, gets either a Link Plush or a Tingle Pinata (ok, here it goes) when was TMC first mentioned?

Your funniest yet.

It’s not like that could actually happen…could it?

  • 19. Ops says:

I hope not. O.O Btw, Sephiroth, I believe there is a Player Mod on Runescape by that name, without the _one. Would you happen to be him?

Forget the diamond statue question.Anyways, if that does happen, then we’ll see Robert getting his butt kicked trying to go kamikaze.I got an another part for the timeline:

Earth Summer Month 2 (July) Earth Year 3367 (lost count)
Humans find new planet with earth-like ecosystems, named, Hyrule.Population, 50 million (and growing) most noticeable feature, a green ocean and green sky.Language: baby talk (they retaught themselves that)

Ops said:

I hope not. O.O Btw, Sephiroth, I believe there is a Player Mod on Runescape by that name, without the _one. Would you happen to be him?

No, I don’t play runescape.

How interesting. And I thought my name was so unique.

Earth Summer Month 23 (July) Earth Year 3369 (lost count)

Strange being discovered in Temple buried under the desert in the southern hemisphere, says his name is Ganondorf.

There’s only 12 months in a year, and they would go like this:
Jan.=first winter month
Feb.=second winter month
March=first spring month
April=second spring month
May=third spring month
June=first summer month
July=second summer month
August=third summer month
Sept.=first fall month
Oct.=second fall month
Nov.=third fall month
Dec.=third winter month
This is how it goes in a year, and hopefully the government doesn’t use it in the near future (it would complicate the time)

Darn it, forgive me for double posting, but I went off subject.Anyways, if we have t owait that long for the game to come out, then we might have to turn on Nintendo, scheming to release the game when any of us are ready to rebel against Nintendo, and take total control of the building, and make a world wide release (besides, its going to be some time) I think I understand why this game is taking so long after its been completed, they keep saying they are going to release the game world wide at the same time, right?So, they are making lots of discs, and need plenty of plastic (remember to recycle, that juice container your holding might become a future game disc) and also, they need to transport the game from Japan, to here and Europe (and maybe more countries, who knows?) so what we CAN do, is recycle (who knows, we might save a species and still play games all day and night) buuuuuuut, what are the odds of people listening to me?Forgive me, going off subject again.*looks at pic with car on it* I’ll be too old to play games by then (bad eyesight, maybe arthritis, or your little grandchild holding up the tv with their favorite cartoons that you don’t get) I won’t grow up until that game comes here >_