The following article deals with a very serious subject.
The alleged Twilight Princess delay.
The usual lightheartedness that the A.S.S.A offers will be put aside today in order to discuss the current and future implications of this matter. Those of you who cannot bring yourself to talk about this in a mature and upright manner should not read the following article. As this article deals with mature subject manner, reader discretion is advised. For the rest of you, feel free to continue inside and explore the true depths of this topic.
Honestly, did you think I would really pass up an opportunity like this to poke some fun at the whole TP delay issue? With that, I welcome you to another edition of A Somewhat Serious Article. In this edition I will be talking about THE TWILIGHT PRINCESS DELAY.
As many of you know it’s that time of the year again. The time where birds sing, the snow melts, and rumors pop out of ground like gophers at a picnic. It’s that time of the year where very little bit of Zelda news is pounced upon like the ravenous fans we are.
This “dry period” before games is common and its understandable why many of us would be anxious if not irritated at the thought of a delay. Reports that TP was postponed till November, then withdrawn. TP is coming out for the Revolution, or wait its only suppose to have Revolution capabilities. No it doesn’t, yes it does. And on and on it goes in a debate that will continue until Nintendo decides to stop laughing at us, and give us a date.
Now the delay of games are nothing new. Companies do it all the time, and usually fans accept this. But Nintendo must learn that this comes at a price. For each delay, the fans expectations become higher and higher. Delay the game long enough and no matter what the game is like, it will not satisfy the fans.
But how do you know if you’ve reached that point? Simple. I have compiled a list of how my expectations of TP will increase with each coming delay. You simply need to compare yours to mine.
With that I give you:
All delays are measured from April 2006, since that’s the current expected release date from IGN and other less important gaming sites.
NOVEMBER 2006 – Delay: 7 Months
With the announcement at E3 that Twilight Princess would be pushed to November for the Revolution, it would be a long summer to wait through. Despite ever growing uneasiness and initial outrage, the community would patiently wait to see how the game would look on the Revolution.
Expectations: At this point, I only expect that TP will look great and play great on the Revolution. I also fully expect to have a sword attachment for the controller.
JUNE 2007 – Delay: 14 Months
Though Twilight Princess didn’t become a launch title for the Revolution the console became an initial success, out selling the Xbox 360 and forcing Sony to declare bankruptcy. However all that fell on deaf ears as Zelda fans began turning to other games, tired of waiting for TP.
Expectations: Twilight Princess at this point is going the way of Starcraft: Ghost, which would have been in development for 6 years at this point. TP better have over 400 hours of gameplay otherwise it will just be a waste of my time.
DECEMBER 2010 – Delay: 4 Years and 8 Months
Pikmin 5 and Mario Party XX, become the best sellers of this month. Nintendo buys out Microsoft in celebration of their success. Profits for 2010 also allow Nintendo to purchase ownership of half of Washington.
Expectations: As one of the few remaining fans at this point, Nintendo should not only GIVE me the game, but also erect a freaking statue of me on their campus.
I’m serious. It should have me holding the Master Sword, and it should be carved out of DIAMOND.
AUGUST 2025 – Delay: 19 Years and 4 Months
Nintendo introduces the new Nintendo: Extermination, next generation console. Ads that the new console will exterminate the competition brings much laughter as no competition exists at this point. Nintendo also becomes recognized as a world power by the UN.
Expectations: The new Extermination guarantees I can actually “Live the Legend”, then I better *Navi* well be able to “Live the Legend”
If I can’t be physically transported into the game where that bat is able to eat me, then Nintendo has failed like no company has failed before.
JANUARY 2060 – Delay 53 Years and 9 Months
Twilight Princess is delayed for the record breaking 200th time. Existing fans that were around when the game was announced continue to be shocked and dismayed. This year the Adventure of Tingle 8 comes out to the delight of children everywhere.
Expectations: Nothing much can be said that this picture doesn’t show:
At that point if Twilight Princess doesn’t immediately convey me to the seventh dimension in a sports car with people I don’t know, it’s not worth buying. Period.
SEPTEMBER 2256 - Delay: ∞
Twilight Princess officially gets canceled after polls reveal no one is interested in the game anymore.
So when E3 rolls around, and the envitable happens, take some time to compare your expectations with mine. While we may certainly not enjoy the delay, hopefully it will be for the best. However if we get to the point where the sun would explode well…
Let’s just hope we don’t get to that point.
But just remember to keep your cool. And before any of you do decide to take this article too seriously, please remember that these are only my expectations, and that this is only A Somewhat Serious Article.
POST NOTE: Just one day after this article was written the delay to Q4 2006 was confirmed. At e3 it was also revealed TP was going to be a launch title for the Nintendo Wii, then called Revolution.
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