A.S.S.A - My Heart Container Is Yours

February 4th, 2006 at 5:46 pm by Darth Citrus

Consider the all too familiar incident. A couple, happily in love find themselves alone for a few hours. Candles are lit, a full moon is outside, and one of them has a great idea of how to pass the time. Sadly the other refuses to even consider it.

Yeah that’s right.

I’m talking about playing some Legend of Zelda.

Statistics show that 65% of all Zelda fans have a companion that will have nothing to do with Zelda. This constant tension between couples is the number one reason for breakups.

But Valentines Day is just around the corner. Its time to woo your boyfriend/girlfriend into the series.

And that’s where I come in.

With that, I welcome you to this edition of A Somewhat Series Article: MY HEART CONTAINER IS YOURS. This helpful advice will allow your numero uno to develop a burning passion for the games. Who knows, the both of you might be playing some Four Swords on the 14th.

Ah, but before we get to that point it is important to take it slowly. Many people try to rush this and before they know it, they wind up with a PSP. So take it slow and remember to have fun.

As with any relationship, communication is everything. Same goes with this. You need to work the topic into conversation and go from there. Sit down for a coffee/tea/water and engage in a lively discussion about world politics. After 10 minutes, hunker down and turn the conversation to a more serious topic like Zelda. Use the following flow chart as a guide.

Step 1
You: “Ah yes I agree. Global stability is needed in order to pursue secure financial gains. But fun aside; I need to talk to you about something serious”

Him/Her: “What is it?”

You: “We need to talk about….Zelda

If they immediately run from the table, finish your drink and try again tomorrow. If they don’t say anything, continue to step 2.

Step 2
You: “I was thinking that we should try to play some Four Swords tonight. Just you and me”

Him/Her: “You know I’m not into that kind of stuff”

You: “But you just have to try, I know you’ll like it”

Proceed by giving them puppy eyes. If they immediately run from the table, finish your drink and try again tomorrow. If they glance upward and mutter something under their breath, continue to step 3.

Step 3
Him/Her: “That’s not going to work this time. I fell for that when you convinced me to play Golden Sun.”

Continue puppy eyes stare for about 5 more minutes. Since it’s clinically proven no one can withstand puppy eyes for longer than 4 they should cave in.

However if they immediately run from the table at 3 minutes, finish your drink and try again tomorrow. For argument sake, let’s say they agree. Set the date, and proceed with what you were doing before, shopping or whatever.

The Big Date
Alright, so you’ve got your chance. Don’t screw it up! The worse thing that can happen will happen so be prepared. The most horrifying event that can go wrong is the batteries dieing. The awkward fumbling for batteries will create an uncomfortable silence, and may ultimately result in your boyfriend/girlfriend leaving the house. Instead, you should replace the batteries in both Gameboy’s and should the unlikely occur, have a fresh pack in your pocket for a smooth replace.

The house should be clean, that’s a given. But since this is such an important event, you should also be dressed in formal clothing. This can help relay the importance of the date to your companion. If you are planning on having dinner first, be polite but seem anxious to get started.

And go for it! If all goes will, the atmosphere and setting will allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to enjoy the experience.

Hook, Line and Sinker
So you’ve got them interested. Now you have to get them hooked. Since Valentines Day is coming up write some poetry! It may be lame and your friends may laugh, but it’ll be worth it. While it should have a reference to Zelda don’t go overboard. Here’s an example to get the creative juices going.

Were I but nothing more than a Peahat above.
Would I not but spend my days than with you my love. Exeunt

Remember. There is no such thing as sappy Zelda poetry.

Start visiting some Zelda sites with them. If they are an avid user of the internet, this is the fastest way to get them hooked. I would recommend either here or here.

And finally, show up unexpected at their house dressed as Link or Zelda. Not only will it serve as shock value, this is also a good time get his/her family and friends hooked as well.

Note: The guys should be dressing as Link, and the ladies as Zelda. You don’t want to scare them away.

All in all use your imagination, and before long, they’ll be playing Ocarina of Time when your not even around!

Valentines Day
Finally, the big day is here. You should already have them hooked at this point, so it’s simply a day to enjoy yourselves. If you neglected to follow any of my advice, here are some last ditch efforts you can try.

1. State something about Zelda every time to you talk. It may seem redunant but you have nothing to lose at this point.

He/She: “Isn’t this restaurant enchanting?”

You: “Yes it is. Almost as enchanting as ZELDA!”

He/She: *Stunned Silence*

2. Completely forget about the date and try again next year.

3. Go on a cross country journey battling monsters and bosses. When you find the Triforce, wish that your boyfriend/girlfriend will become hooked. Return home and explain to everyone where you’ve been for the last 3 months.

Those of you who did follow my advice, congratulations! Now go out, have fun and play some Legend of Zelda. Remember, He/She is still new to the whole experience. So don’t be alarmed and outraged if they don’t like The Wind Waker. Like all relationships, these things take time and support.

For those of you tried but didn’t succeed, don’t lose hope. With Twilight Princess around the corner, it will be easy to get them hooked on that.

And finally for those of you who don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend yet, bookmark this page. The magical day will come when you will need this information. It may be outdated by then, useless or even offline. But it still will be A Somewhat Serious Article

Filed under Humor, A.S.S.A.

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Darth, words do not begin to describe this article.

You can take that however you’d like to take it.

um.. ok so my GF can det hoocked but what about normal friends

Um……….dude do you even know what it’s like at a public school? (silence) That’s what I thought. Very funny, though. Very funny indeed…

Of course I do. This article is of course, Somewhat Serious. :P

*laughs out loud* sorry, but I’m not the kind of person who goes looking for love, so its seems funny :D I have a better chance of landing my dream job before going to college (it requires a lot of learning, and I’m not even at advanced math level yet) still, good article, well thought out too, plus you should make a comic (with the pic above) so I give this article a thumbs up.

brilliant as always! I laughed my socks off, hehe :D


oh man, that was good…. very good!!! hahaha! Keep up the Somewhat Serious articles… these always make me laugh!! And the poem? :D

Ah…yeah…I’m one of the people without a boyfriend…could I dress as Ruto instead? Or how about Marin, Malon, or Nabooru, you know, just incase I do ever change my mind about not being interested in love and want something to work on? Lol…night, all.

*still laughing* ^_; you guys are funny, you may even rival DC (just kidding) still, that would make a good fanfic, a valentines party for the OoT gang.

*Everyone from Hyrule Castle Town to Lake Hylia came to the Valentines Ball at Hyrule Castle, where everything is red, white, and pink, cupid is working his butt off, and Link is disguised, from the scariest things in Hyrule, the girls*
Zelda: Link, where are you?
Ruto:!_! hey >__

Wow thats pretty odd…..I had a man till he messed with some re-deads and dated Malon. But for real….i hope no one takes this advice seriously!!! i know a lot of people who r losing boyfriends and girlfriends cause of this. Its a joke people!!!! Ok? And dont start dressing like tingle on dates. But this is very funny, if not taken seriously and used in a real date. Understand? Its good and bad….”I give my heart container to you” hhahahahahaha….cracks me up.

* rolls around on the floor laughing *
OMG! I think these are becoming one of my favorite aspects of the ZC! I am SO dressing up and walking accros campus on Valentines day! Yeah buddy!

Another awsome article, Darth!

I HATE you all *especially you Darth Citrus* im sending Tingle and his family round to all your houses. Do we singletons not matter, how do you think we feel about being alone on Valentines Day, but oh no you dont care you just bring it up like that without thinking about my feelings, hmph.

*brings in adult Ruto and shoots Robert in the butt with a pink Fairy arrow*Chill out…Hey, my story didn’t go through!TML, what happened?I posted a small FanFic here and it didn’t get through!Anyways, maybe next year you could use this information (of course, then DC could make a fresher model, “My Heart Container is Your V.2.0″)

I’m single too *sniff*. I think I’ll just dress up as Midna and play piggy back with my dog…

I’m trying to get my friendboy (not boyfriend) hooked on Zelda. I’ve already talked him into getting a GCN and a DS. He’s considering getting TWW. I’m considering gettng it for him for either his birthday or Valentines cause, you know, it’s only $20.

Robert-UK said:

I HATE you all *especially you Darth Citrus* im sending Tingle and his family round to all your houses. Do we singletons not matter, how do you think we feel about being alone on Valentines Day, but oh no you dont care you just bring it up like that without thinking about my feelings, hmph.

I’m single too, and I wrote the article. :P

Darth Citrus said:

I’m single too, and I wrote the article. :P

…..does that say it all, or does that say it all..

Heh, just kidding DC..

I have no place to talk after all. I wonder how many people on this blog do. Now that would be an interesting poll.

BTW, that was the funniest ASSA in a while. Just my opinion.

Well, DC, you’ve managed to entertain people, unfortunately most of us are single, so maybe you could try again next year, so we can use this (just kidding)

Musica said:

Ah…yeah…I’m one of the people without a boyfriend…could I dress as Ruto instead? Or how about Marin, Malon, or Nabooru, you know, just incase I do ever change my mind about not being interested in love and want something to work on? Lol…night, all.

Ahem and I would so be Nabooru! Except I don’t have that problem, because the guy that I like, likes Zelda! Sahweet!!! haha

We all seem to be single Zelda Otaku (thats Japanese for nerds), lol.

So thats what otaku means.I would like to see a Valentines fanfic with the OoT gang (mwahaha)

brilliant! Sheer brilliance!! ROTFL!!

All my boyfriends have liked videogames, just not Zelda. Well actually one guy I dated for about 3 weeks did. But he only went out with my cos he friend said I liked Zelda! When we went out, we never discussed it!

Ah Zelda Blog, just short of five months old.

Hopefully people might see this so funny, they’ll tell their consorts next year, then share it with them when they’re married, and tell their kids and…sorry, lost track of thought.I wonder what a Zelda-equivalent of cupid would be like *thinks of Pink Minish*

Come on guys (and girls), you have to try harder. I expect this topic to be full on the 14th with comments about how they got their newly found boyfriend/girlfriend to love Zelda. :D

Remember, there’s no such thing as sappy Zelda poetry. :P

Ive just noticed that Link dosent have a neck in that picture Darth Citrus.

I know. Thats how I draw my comics. Incase you didn’t know, those are from my webcomic Accidentally Linked. I draw them without necks and draws balls for hands. :P

Here you can read more here: http://www.explodingdekunut.net/main.php?page=pages/accidentallylinked/main.php

Sorry, I’m in house arrest (shooting down cupid) but I will make a mental note on this subject.Speaking of Heart Containers, how do they become a new part of your life anyways?

The heart containers is a play on words. “My Heart is Yours” to “My Heart Container is Yours”

And they become part of your life because you received it from a true love. :D

I didn’t mean that way, I meant the ones in the games.Of course, in one game, if you talk with one of two girls, she’ll give you a heart container (the other gives you a -blocked-) and the game is -blocked-
Note:spoiler!sorry folks :P

I would try harder if I actually HAD a boyfriend right now? :P I just have to make do with flirting with all the guys I know instead and thats not half as fun. Anyway I wouldn’t ask my significant other to like Zelda just incase he insisted that I like something he does - which in my exes case was the extreme evilness of Rungy, football, cricket, grand prix… the list was endless. I’ll tolerate footy but rugby!?!

All the guys i have dated dont like zelda games. They love games with guns in em. Also grand theft auto….I always go for the tough guys though. They know how to keep the dead weight off a girl. And I wouldnt flirt with guys everyday u know…theres a word for that…anyways being alone on valentine’s day is ok. Dont go killin yourself now. P.S I love guys that like to argue wit me, thats the kind of guys we girls should be lookin for….Understand?!?

I wouldn’t agree with that… Anyways, great articles you have going here, DC! ^.^ I would like to say that one of your “teachings” (should I call it that?) DID actually work. The one with stating something about Zelda every time I talked. I anoyed one of my friends into playing Zelda, and he instantly got hooked! >:3 The conversation kinda went like this: We were at a lake on a school trip…
Friend: Wow! This lake is huge!!!
Me: Yeah, just like Lake Hylia!
Me: You had it coming, you know…*mutter* just like a certain Ganondorf *mutter*
Friend: Alright, already! I get the point! I’ll go play your stupid game when we’re done with this trip!!! Just stop talking!!!
…and that is where it all began….heh….

*smashes through the door* so this is what i’ve missed out on I should really visit ZeldaBlog like I use to.

There is NOTHING wrong with flirting and I am NOT a slut for doing it so don’t make out I am one! I work as the only girl on a team of men and it’s the easiest way to get along with them, it’s just a bit of fun and it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a way of communication. Jeez! Anyway I won’t be alone on Valentines because I have a boyfriend - yes, because I flirted, but he’d liked me for 9 months anyway and was just too shy to say! And no he doesn’t like Zelda, but then, who cares, it means I can play it ALL to myself!

that’s like so nerd!

Chill, people.

*blows whistle loudly* I have something to tell you all, its rare for me to be anywhere from the safety zone in Hyrule on Valentine’s Day, and I’m helpng TML with crowd control *throws stink bombs* The point of this subject was to help you make your boyfrined/girlffriend become a Zelda fan before Valentine’s Day.It might have worked or not, but we need not to make fun of each other, hence the subject name, A Somewhat Serious Article, so if you need to make fun of someone, don’t do it ,period.Thankyou, now, I must run back to the Anti-Cupid Safety Zone before…AAAAAHHHHH HE’S HERE *runs like *NAVI* for Lon Lon Ranch* (very bad pun)

I got my friend and my Nephew into Zelda (but my nephew only likes the 3d ones) my friend on the other hand is quite arrogant because he only likes Final Fantasy (he even said that GoldenEye on the N64 was rubbish… IS HE INSANE?) he compares EVERYTHING to Final Fantasy and believes that all the other game companies just copy what Square-Enix does which REALLY gets on my nerves, anyway it took me months to get him to play Ocarina of Time and at first he didnt like it but he eventually got into it and now really likes it… but hes still quite arrogant about Final Fantay and IM the moron who introduced him to Final Fantasy in the first place *sigh*.

The irony (maha!) How was everyone’s Valentines?Good, bad?Just take a look at the armor I used *pulls up an Iron Knuckle suit with pink arrow stuck in the rear armor* you gotta love armor.