Consider the all too familiar incident. A couple, happily in love find themselves alone for a few hours. Candles are lit, a full moon is outside, and one of them has a great idea of how to pass the time. Sadly the other refuses to even consider it.
Yeah that’s right.
I’m talking about playing some Legend of Zelda.
Statistics show that 65% of all Zelda fans have a companion that will have nothing to do with Zelda. This constant tension between couples is the number one reason for breakups.
But Valentines Day is just around the corner. Its time to woo your boyfriend/girlfriend into the series.
And that’s where I come in.
With that, I welcome you to this edition of A Somewhat Series Article: MY HEART CONTAINER IS YOURS. This helpful advice will allow your numero uno to develop a burning passion for the games. Who knows, the both of you might be playing some Four Swords on the 14th.
Ah, but before we get to that point it is important to take it slowly. Many people try to rush this and before they know it, they wind up with a PSP. So take it slow and remember to have fun.
Him/Her: “What is it?”
You: “We need to talk about….Zelda”
If they immediately run from the table, finish your drink and try again tomorrow. If they don’t say anything, continue to step 2.
Him/Her: “You know I’m not into that kind of stuff”
You: “But you just have to try, I know you’ll like it”
Proceed by giving them puppy eyes. If they immediately run from the table, finish your drink and try again tomorrow. If they glance upward and mutter something under their breath, continue to step 3.
Continue puppy eyes stare for about 5 more minutes. Since it’s clinically proven no one can withstand puppy eyes for longer than 4 they should cave in.
However if they immediately run from the table at 3 minutes, finish your drink and try again tomorrow. For argument sake, let’s say they agree. Set the date, and proceed with what you were doing before, shopping or whatever.
The Big Date
The house should be clean, that’s a given. But since this is such an important event, you should also be dressed in formal clothing. This can help relay the importance of the date to your companion. If you are planning on having dinner first, be polite but seem anxious to get started.
And go for it! If all goes will, the atmosphere and setting will allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to enjoy the experience.
Hook, Line and Sinker
Were I but nothing more than a Peahat above.
Would I not but spend my days than with you my love. Exeunt
Remember. There is no such thing as sappy Zelda poetry.
Start visiting some Zelda sites with them. If they are an avid user of the internet, this is the fastest way to get them hooked. I would recommend either here or here.
And finally, show up unexpected at their house dressed as Link or Zelda. Not only will it serve as shock value, this is also a good time get his/her family and friends hooked as well.
Note: The guys should be dressing as Link, and the ladies as Zelda. You don’t want to scare them away.
All in all use your imagination, and before long, they’ll be playing Ocarina of Time when your not even around!
1. State something about Zelda every time to you talk. It may seem redunant but you have nothing to lose at this point.
He/She: “Isn’t this restaurant enchanting?”
You: “Yes it is. Almost as enchanting as ZELDA!”
He/She: *Stunned Silence*
2. Completely forget about the date and try again next year.
3. Go on a cross country journey battling monsters and bosses. When you find the Triforce, wish that your boyfriend/girlfriend will become hooked. Return home and explain to everyone where you’ve been for the last 3 months.
Those of you who did follow my advice, congratulations! Now go out, have fun and play some Legend of Zelda. Remember, He/She is still new to the whole experience. So don’t be alarmed and outraged if they don’t like The Wind Waker. Like all relationships, these things take time and support.
For those of you tried but didn’t succeed, don’t lose hope. With Twilight Princess around the corner, it will be easy to get them hooked on that.
And finally for those of you who don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend yet, bookmark this page. The magical day will come when you will need this information. It may be outdated by then, useless or even offline. But it still will be A Somewhat Serious ArticleFollow This Entry
43 Messages from the Gossip Stones about “A.S.S.A - My Heart Container Is Yours”
Trackbacks & Pingbacks