Today I am writing on what is undoubtedly the most powerful weapon in the entire series. This weapon can quite easily be the plague of society, leveling complete cities and wiping out whole civilizations. “But what is this all powerful weapon?” you ask. The Hookshot? No. The Light Arrow? No. The Legendary Master Sword, Bane of all Evil? No.
The Boomerang from Link’s Awakening.
Surprising isn’t it. You would expect a weapon of such power to be at least a sword or something. But it isn’t. It’s this child’s toy found in a cave along the beach of Koholint Island. Yes it’s this boomerang that spells doom of people everywhere. That’s the topic of todays edition of A Somewhat Serious Article: DESTROYER OF WORLDS
First off, boomerangs have never been realistic in the Zelda games to start with. For one those stupid things can some how always find their way back to Link. It doesn’t matter if he moves or not. They always return to him.
Now I have tried throwing boomerangs before, both the two armed and three armed kind. For one, I have never gotten the distance that Link acheives in the games. Second of all, I can’t even throw it fast enough to stun a full grown Octocrok. And third, they don’t return to me if I move a few steps to the left or the right.
But again the world of Hyrule is a wonderful place, full of magic, fairies and great princes of evil. Therefore let’s overlook this curiosity and observe at how boomerangs would work normally in the Zelda world.
In the Zelda world, boomerangs when thrown will return to its owner no matter where he/she is. Boomerangs can target multiple objects on its own, and can somehow carry enough kinetic energy to stun a Moblin. And if there’s something like glass between Link and the said boomerang, it will some how still return to Link through it.
Enter Link’s Awakening. The boomerang in this game follows the typical Zelda rules. Returns to owner, stuns enemies, yadda yadda yadda. What is different is its attacking power.
If you’ve played the game, you’ll know. Take out the boomerang when fighting the shadow dudes in the Wind Fish Egg. On the last transformation, (The weird looking one) aim the boomerang for the middle and throw. Boom. Game Over.
That’s it. Interesting huh? Has there been a final boss in the history of the world that has been defeated that fast?
There hasn’t. At least not to my knowledge. That’s what makes this boomerang a Zelda curiosity. If you know your physics you’ll know that the boomerang has to travel the distance to the enemy, transfer enough energy to make a killing blow, and STILL have the kinetic energy,and momentum to return to Link.
Possible? No. First off, the formula for kinetic energy is E=(mv^2)/2
E = energy
m = mass
v = velocity
With that equation there are only two ways that the boomerang can be insanely stronger than say the boomerangs from LoZ or LTTP. The boomerang is either incredibly heavy (mass), or Link is throwing with the speed of a space shuttle (velocity). Judging by the game, I think we can eliminate both of these.
So then, how is the boomerang so incredibly strong? Magic? That is one option. However another question arises. How does the boomerang stun some enemies, and then manage to kill the final boss in one hit? No, I don’t think magic can be the answer here either.
To quote Sherlock Holmes, “when the impossible has been eliminated, the residuum, however improbable, must contain the truth.” Meaning, since we’ve found everything the boomerang can’t do, the last explanation must be correct no matter how crazy it is.
Since the boomerang isn’t super heavy, thrown super fast, and finally not magical, there is only one option left. The final boss is simply a wuss. That’s right, a wuss. A creature made of complete darkness that is able to take direct sword blows to the head. Yet this dinky little wooden boomerang kills him in one hit. Heck, I’ve been hit in the head with a boomerang before and survived. By all means, I should be the final boss of Link’s Awakening.
Of course, that’s not to say that the boomerang isn’t special in its own way. If Link throws it while flying (Holding on to a cucco) it simply orbits Link forever, attacking everything in its path. It’s probably the only weapon that when used like that, can attack cuccos forever. That in itself makes it a pretty strong weapon.
Also…..Spoiler warning for those who haven’t played Link’s Awakening yet.
I mean it; don’t keep reading unless you’ve finished the game.
Anyway, even if the boss is a wuss, that boomerang still killed him off. That allowed the Wind Fish to awaken, and send Link back to Hyrule, destroying Koholint in the process. So it is in reality, Super Boomerang “Destroyer of Worlds”.
But then why would such a powerful weapon be hidden in a place where reading a simple library book would tell you its location. Also, why would the guy in the cave be so willing to trade it for a shovel? Was he so isolated in that cave that he never discovered its planet crushing powers? And another thing, why was he in the cave in the first place?
Ahhh, the more I think about this, the more my head hurts. My brain is spinning trying to figure this out, and I can even feel my immune system shutting down. On top of that I think I’m coming down with a cold. A cold brought on by writing, A Somewhat Serious Article.Follow This Entry
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