First of all, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jack O’Reily, and as some of you may know, I am the webmaster of The Desert Colossus (TDC for short). Anyways, I’m sure we’ve all heard by now of Miyamoto’s terrifying comments concerning the future of the Zelda series. Namely,
Well, thankfully, I’m a celebrated savant in the field of dumpster diving, and I just happened to be poking around Nintendo Corporate Headquarters in Redmond, Washington (a slight detour from my usual stomping grounds in Boston, I assure you). My efforts were not for naught of course, as I discovered a few confidential memos that had been tossed out with the prerequisite pizza boxes and empty Jolt bottles. What those memos revealed may shock or amuse you.
Zelda Pinball – Utilize Goron Link’s rolling ability to traverse a vast new world of bumpers, tilts, and flippers all while you try to put a stop to Ganon’s latest evil scheme by getting a higher score than your friends.
Hyrule Snap! – Hop on Epona the horse as Link and don your trusty pictograph as you trot and gallop through the Overworld and Underworld of Hyrule, photographing the many creatures, monsters, and animals of the land and bringing together a vast portfolio of collected photos for Lenzo.
Dr. Link – Ganon is at it again, this time managing to poison the three Oracles with a deadly Biri parasite infestation. Shrink down within each oracle and quash the invasion with innovative retro-block dropping technology!
Zelda Hunters – The latest multiplayer title from the Zelda series pits the four Links against one another in brutal first-person combat. Connect with four other friends for hours upon hours of repetitive sword slashing combat and “arrrghhh!!” sounds.
Link is Missing! – Help Zelda travel across the world, restoring landmarks to their respective cities to defeat Ganon, all the while boring children of all nationalities and creeds.
Legend of Zelda DELUXE – No they didn’t add any new content, just a handy stationary printing feature that makes this somehow pass off as a “remixed” title. Ah, blind brand loyalty!
As you can see, the time has come to be afraid, very afraid. Though, I suppose, if the new Revolution controller has proven anything, it is that one should expect the (pleasantly) unexpected from the Big N. So, in reality, despite my best attempts to direct you to the contrary, there is no reason to doubt Nintendo’s ablities. Sure Zelda will change, but we can be reasonably assured that it will be for the best.Follow This Entry | Read Other Posts by Jack